The Bachelor recap episode 7: The intruders enter the house

It's week four and we're back at the Bachie Mansion. Or should we say Playboy Mansion? It's getting harder to tell these days...

There are just 10 girls left and the air is thick with desperation and bad juju. And stripes. But it seems only half got them the memo.

Osher waltzes in right on cue to deliver the girls the ever-so-powerful date card.

Aaaand it's Rachael. Finally.

Cue to Rachael being ferried to an impressive looking boat. Or "pirate ship" as she called it.

The pair cosy up at the front of the ship when suddenly they're interrupted.

"My hands are blue!," says Richie shocked. "I'm a smurf. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha." SO MUCH AWKWARD LAUGHTER.

Rachael and Richie think it's a fun idea to climb the ropes up to the Crows Nest. At last, Richie the 'rope technician' can put his real-life skills to use.

They reach the Crows Nest (we're learning so much about boats) and re-enact that classic Titanic scene, which has kind of become Richie's signature move.

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The pair then strip down, because it's become a pre-requisite for the girls to wear a bikini on a date.

Both think it's a good idea to backflip into the water off the boat. Casual. Rachael tries to jokingly drown him. RED FLAG RICHIE, RED FLAG.

They then head back to the boat to get drink some booze. Now this is a date!

After skulling some rum, they get cosy on a couch.

They talk about being nervous and giggle over non-funny things but all we can think about is the untouched cheese platter on the side. Just how much food goes to waste on this show?

He hands her a rose (the first one of the night) and they kiss. And there is a lot of tongue.

"I think you're beautiful, Rach," says Richie afterwards. Actually that's kinda sweet - way better than "nice kiss" anyway.

Back at the Bachie mansion it's time for a garden party. The girls are all dressed to impress in OTT sparkly gowns waiting for Richie... who just so happens to be walking on his lonesome down a bush track, oh and Osher pops out of nowhere.

He spills the news that Richie is to meet three new girls while subtly dropping in the show's sponsor: "Glenworth Valley Outdoor Adventures!"

The first girl who rocks up is Steph, who turns up on a quad bike. Richie basically wets himself in excitement.

The next girl, Sarah, rolls up on a motor bike and talks about how she loves action and fishing and blah blah blah, we're bored.

Aaand finally, the third girl, Khalia, trots in on a horse. Richie can't quite believe his luck and has basically forgotten about his other 10 girls hanging back at the mansion.

Richie and Khalia go for a horse ride and the pair bond over animals and outdoors. They find themselves at a picnic and neglect the delicious morsels carefully laid out for them.

At the Garden Party, Megan and Alex talk about how hard life is competing for Richie. Like it's new to them they've applied to be on a dating reality show.

Meanwhile Sarah and Richie go dirtbike riding, which is Richie's idea of true romance. They sit down and Richie tells her he's ready to settle down and asks Sarah awkward questions like, "what are you like in love?"

Onto the third intruder, Steph. It's time for a bit of quad biking before the token picnic date. Richie fires intense questions like, "why are you single?" at her and she acts like it's the most casual first date conversation ever.

She tells him she studied Biomedical Science and we're pretty sure it's the first time he's ever heard those words, let alone what it means.

The three newbies jump into a helicopter where the bachelorettes are patiently (LOL, naht) waiting for Richie to show up.

But hell breaks loose when they realise that GIRLS ARE IN THE HELICOPTER.

"THERE'S GIRLS IN THERE," they scream hysterically.

To say the bachelorettes are livid is an understatement.

Rachael, Keira and Alex's heads explode with jealousy and they freak out and bitch about the new girls.

"Give me a gun," says Keira, queen of playing cool.

Richie turns up at the cocktail party and Alex whips out the white rose for some alone time.

Meanwhile, the old bachelorettes are HUGELY threatened by the newbies. Rachael has a whinge about Khalia being prettier than her and Keira gets progressively drunk and it's glorious.

Noni literally cries to Richie about not getting a single date but he seems more sidetracked by her garish headpiece.

"Honestly, I feel like this whole thing is drama for the sake of drama," says Megan. Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Kiki accused Keira of being "ungrateful" and Keira sees red. Pretty sure there are fireworks coming from the TV screen at this point.

The two K's get into a screaming match which ends with Keira saying: "Keep walk, peasant." BEST LINE OF THE SHOW SO FAR.

It's time for the rose ceremony and there are just 11 roses for 12 girls. Richie says Alex's name and she walks up smugly to get the rose. He then calls out Steph, Noni and Nikki who run up to collect their prize.

Richie then calls Megan's name and asks if she'll accept the rose.

"I can't," she says. Richie looks gobsmacked and has a tough time processing all of the emotions going through his head.

The girls (are secretly thrilled) but act shocked.

"I can't fall in love with such competition and such intensity," explains Megan.

Richie looks devastated. At least there are 13 other women there to cushion the blow.

Back to the rose ceremony, Richie calls Keira, Kiki, Sarah, Faith, Olena and finally Khalia gets called.

Keira is ecstatic that Georgia is sent packing, but let's be real, she's a brunette and didn't stand a chance.

"That's the sh*ttiest way to go out," whined Georgia. "Intruders."

Unlucky, hey?

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