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Mel Greig: “Forget Tinder. I've discovered the hottest pick-up platform”

After recently splitting from her husband, Mel Greig is back on the dating bandwagon and ready to document her single gal experiences exclusively for Be. In her first column, Mel openly writes about her latest discovery in the online dating world and how single ladies can ‘like’ their way to a potential new suitor…

Ladies, I’m so over Tinder. It was a torturous 24hrs of superficial swiping and shallow conversations. I’m here to tell you there’s a cheeky new online dating platform with a much higher strike rate, one that you likely use around 5243 times a day. You just don’t know it yet.

It’s Instagam.

Allow me to teach you a few tried-and-tested tricks on how to scroll to your next date.

Mel Greig pens her first dating column exclusively for Be. Image: Instagram
Mel Greig pens her first dating column exclusively for Be. Image: Instagram

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‘Liking’ on Instagram is the new [Facebook] ‘Poke’ to getting a man’s attention. I know this for a fact. And there are single men ready and waiting to see your ‘Likes’ pop up in their notifications. Over the past few years we have relied on Facebook’s ‘Poke’ button to indicate to someone we are keen. I was never a fan of that. Surprisingly, seeing that ‘Mark has Poked you’ in your notifications was never a thrill – go Poke yourself, mate. Times have changed. The ‘Poke’ on Facebook is now reserved for online creepers. As I’ve discovered (*wink*), the best way to show someone you’re interested is to ‘Like’ their pics on Instagram BUT there are rules, ladies.

Since splitting from her husband, Mel Greig has been open about her dating experiences on social media.
Since splitting from her husband, Mel Greig has been open about her dating experiences on social media.

Allow me to explain the five crucial steps to Instagram ‘dating’ success. Tried and tested...

Step 1: Have a stalk through Instagram and ‘follow’ a few guys that you’ve had your eye on – the algorithm should serve up mutual friends or accounts your mates are currently following. Note: It’s ok to follow a few, just in case you don’t get a 100 per cent hit rate with responses you’ll have backup options. The best thing about Instagram is that people like having followers, so you can follow anyone. Even the hot guy that delivers your water to the office. Do people still do that by the way? Instagram has a level of secrecy too unlike Facebook with every new friend, like or comment being broadcast on everyone’s news feed. This is also why Instagram is one of the most convenient cheating platforms in the online world, it has a level of secrecy.

Step 2: Now you need to get their attention. Do this by liking three photos. Not one, not two, but three. You need to be strategic and choose your pics wisely. Balance is the key and whatever you do, don’t scroll back three years and like a shot from when they were with an ex, or some drunken selfie from 2012. This will indicate that you are freaking cray. Totally fine to creep look through 1000 photos, but they don’t need to know the depth of your research/craziness.

Mel recently shut down rumours she was dating Dan Ewing, noting the two are just
Mel recently shut down rumours she was dating Dan Ewing, noting the two are just

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Top tips: I suggest you select a picture in which they look hot. One with friends or family and of them doing something fun. i.e: an ugly funny face photo. It’s important that you only select three photos, this will be the ultimate test of willpower. Don’t get drunk and go on a liking rampage and like 100 photos, this is not sexy ladies – ever. They will see you as a stage 10 clinger. You need to conceal this behaviour.

Step 3: Now sit patiently and wait for one of the selected guys to return the gesture. Trust me on this. They need to ‘Like’ at least two to three photos on your own page. Once they have done this, analyse the pictures they have liked and get ready to go in for the kill. (FYI if they like three bikini/boob/leg-bearing shots this means they’re up for one thing. Which is totally fine, if you’re up for that too. But don’t have false expectations).

Step 4: Don’t be shy. You only play ‘Like’ handball for so long. You don’t want to spend the next month returning serve. But if you can make the like-fest last a week, go for it. Then it’s time to flirt up a storm.



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Step 5: Finally, Inbox them. It’s time to get the real life conversation started. Make the first move. Here, you can strike up a conversation and turn the banter into real life, requesting to catch up for a drink/ coffee. Then see how things take off. Note: It is not acceptable at this point to be visualising your imaginary wedding.

Mel has also been open about her battle with endometriosis, and her desire one day to be a mum. Image: Instagram
Mel has also been open about her battle with endometriosis, and her desire one day to be a mum. Image: Instagram

Finally ladies, have respect for yourself and other women on this mission and do not hunt the Married Man. Look for pictures of him with kids as a sign he's married. Or if there’s a lady tagged in his photos as “#mybeautifulwife” that’s normally a good indicator too. For the married men reading this, the same advice applies to you. We see you liking our sexy pics...get your hand off the like button and stick to living in the real world with your loving partner. Funnily enough, it doesn’t turn us on when we see that you’re married and creeping on our photos...we don’t go “Ohhhhh look at this incredible man, he’s willing to cheat on his wife I feel so special.” Ok? Just stop it.

Happy hunting ladies and remember to check through your 'likes' for any 'bites'.

You’re welcome.

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