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Mum tells: 'I forgot my baby in the car'

As Australia's hot summer intensifies, and more stories emerge of pets and children left to fend for themselves in cars, now is the time to consider just how it can happen.

Yesterday, there were nine reports of children left in hot cars, in Australia. Nine.

One of the biggest myths about these tragic events is that only neglectful, derelict parents and pet owners would ever do such a thing.

In fact, most incidences are simply the result of a mental slip-up.

Here, "mummy blogger" Amber Emken recounts her story of the time she completely forgot her own child, leaving the baby behind in the car:

This is a message that needs to be driven home year-round. And with our summers getting hotter, it won't be long before we all need to remember it.

Because with the heat will come tragedy. It’s inevitable unfortunately. We will hear stories of kids who were left in cars for too long in the heat.

It's frighteningly possible for any parent to leave their child in the car (posed by model). Source: Flickr
It's frighteningly possible for any parent to leave their child in the car (posed by model). Source: Flickr

Often, very often, the immediate impulse is to castigate the parents as monsters and the worst people on earth. But lost in the roar of anger is the reality that often these cases are horrible, awful accidents.

The human brain is a weird thing. When we’re busy or stressed or scared we sometimes default to what scientists refer to as our “lizard brain.” This is basically our most primal functioning brain that just autopilots us until we can refocus. In those moments things can happen, sometimes small things like suddenly you got to work and have no real memory of the trip there, you just defaulted to driving there.

Ever taken a turn towards work on a day you’re not working 'cause that’s the way you just always go? That’s your lizard brain. It’s great sometimes. But sometimes in those moments when things suddenly fall out of routine and you’ve got a kid in the back who you’re not used to having there you can for a minute totally forget they are there. Which can lead to disaster in hot conditions.

A sleeping child making no noise can lead to forgetfulness (posed by model). Source: Getty
A sleeping child making no noise can lead to forgetfulness (posed by model). Source: Getty

We all like to say, “It could never happen to me. I’m a good mum or dad and I love my kids too much to ever forget them.” But thinking like that and failing to take basic preventative measures to ensure the worst never does happen to you is what sets people up for this.

I used to say the same thing. Then something scary happened. I forgot my then 5-month-old in the car. Let me repeat that, I forgot him. How do you forget your kid? Well for me it was the perfect storm, as it is for most people who it happens to. I was back in the US visiting family with my two kids, I was still pretty jet lagged and I had left my daughter with my in-laws for the evening. My son who was still nursing came with me in his car seat rear facing. Well my son HATED the car at that age, as in he screamed constantly from the moment he hit the seat until the moment you took him out.

But that ONE time he fell asleep and he was quiet. I couldn’t see him, it was dark in the car and I had no big kid to remind me they wanted out for once. I rarely drive at all and if I did at that point it was always with both kids or none at all. So one kid, asleep, me exhausted and in a rush to see a friend who I was already late getting to, lead to me getting out and walking all the way across the parking lot before I had this moment of “HOLY CRAP, I FORGOT MY KID”.

A sleep-deprived parent is more likely to make a mistake (posed by model). Source: Flickr
A sleep-deprived parent is more likely to make a mistake (posed by model). Source: Flickr

It seems so crazy right? How the heck do you do that? But I’m not alone. It happens and it happens with scary frequency in the summer and kids die. Unfortunately with the move of kids to the back seat and the advent of rear facing seats it’s happening more often since you can’t see kids in the back. Now I am by NO means saying those aren’t good safety things, just that they had an unintended consequence our parents never faced.

Cars heat up insanely fast on a hot day. If you doubt that, roll up your windows and sit there for 20 minutes sometime. It quickly becomes unbearable. Never leave kids or pets in a car unattended, no matter if the windows are cracked or not. Not for five minutes, not for 20.

So aside from the obvious saying, “I’ll never do that," what can you do to help yourself, and your spouse or partner remember that little person in the back?

Here are some simple tips to prevent forgetting kids in cars:* Put your purse and brief case in the back seat, that way you’re forced to look back to leave the car.

  • Put your phone in the back seat for the same reason. It also keeps you from the ever-tempting text or call while driving.

  • Throw a shoe back there. You can’t leave without your shoes, right!?

  • Put a stuffed animal in the seat when your kid isn’t in it, and move that stuffed animal to the front passenger seat so that you see it and go “Oh crap – the kids!”

  • Make sure if your child doesn’t show up at daycare or school by a certain time, that they know to call your phone to check in.

  • Don’t be complacent. Don’t believe it can’t happen to you.

And if you still think I’m crazy, read this amazing Pulitzer Prize-winning article that talks about the science of this and the reality for the parents who have made this horrible mistake. Warning: it is an incredibly sad and incredibly graphic piece but it will open your eyes the way nothing else ever will.

Amber Emken is a mum of two young kids who loves working and studying world events. She has a passion for car-seat safety and teaching others best practice. She has been writing articles on safe car seat use and life as an expat for the past few years on local mums' boards, and enjoys helping mums learn more about car-seat safety.

This article was originally published on Be in 2017.

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