After the whole lettergate saga from the previous night, everyone is like WTF Elora why on earth did you pick Eden? Let's just move on...
So, everything is cool bananas in Paradise. Why you ask? Because two girls from Richie's season enter.
Let's just take a moment to reminisce shall we?
First off there's the girl who ate a rose aka Sasha. This time she doesn't want to nibble on roses, but nibble on men.
Nibble on what part of a man exactly, Sasha? Actually, just keep that to yourself.
And then there's Rachel who claims it's not worked out with any of her recent dates because she's being "ghosted". But makes the solid point, in Paradise everyone's on one island so there's no where to hide.
Beware boys, Rachel is on a mission.
The girls get the scoop on the newbies and it seems Sasha finds Apollo cute and Rachel has taken a liking to American Jared. WATCH OUT SIMONE AND LEAH.
They couldn't be happier:
Then enters the godlike Apollo with a date card. But there's only one question that we can think of during this time: Mate, why on earth are you wearing a shirt? That's not what we're here for.
Whoop de doop the date goes to Keira and, of course, she's taking her sunburnt-to-a-crisp love interest Jarrod.
Jarrod is bloody cheesin' his socks off he's going a date with Keira. God knows it's about time they went on a proper one after all the drama they've been through.
The pair arrive to a group of local Fijian kids to play touch rugby which gets both of them feeling a bit broody. Let's just take a second to imagine Keira and Jarrod having kids together. WOW.
Cue typical opportunities for Keira and Jarrod to be all cutesy together.
Meanwhile, back at the resort Rachel is frothing over Apollo (can we really blame her though?) whose only bad quality is the fact he can't knit.
This is where the many faces of a clingy Simone enter. SHE IS NOT HAPPY.
But she's just going to try and "play it cool". Sweetie, have you really been doing that at all?
Rachel then proceeds to get all the juicy details out of Apollo about his relationship status with Simone, while continuing to froth over him (again no judgement at all).
But low and behold Simone is listening in the background to everything they're discussing.
Do we have another stage five clinger on our hands? Did Jarrod pass on something to Simone when she kissed him?
According to Simone, now Rachel has had a few vodka sodas a "demon" has come out... all because she's flirting with Apollo.
"It's too much, it's too much," says Simone. "I've just had to deal with Elora trying to take Apollo away from me."
Hang on. This is Bachelor In Paradise, deary. You don't own the guy. The whole name of the game is to flirt with people to find out who you're a good match with...
Back at Keira and Jarrod's date the pair discuss having children together and you can tell it's taking everything in Jarrod's bones to keep stage five clinger habits at bay.
Even Keira says she need to keep him "in check" so he doesn't "get too carried away." AMEN, SISTA.
And then BOOM Jarrod declares to Keira he wants her to meet his family. Along with that his face shade is going well off the charts on the red-o-meter.
But they are kind of cute.
Back in Paradise, ol' mate Osher enters and drags Megan away for a mysterious reason.
Jake is clearly not concerned about the situation at all:
Rachel, the sneaky devil, is then seen trying to suss out the situation with Simone and Apollo. But Simone, the even more sneaky devil of the pair, moves her right in the direction of American Jared, whom Rachel also finds cute. Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky.
"American Jared and Rachel will be together, trust me," Simone declares. Whatever you say, Simone.
However, it appears Rachel didn't really take what Simone said to heart as she's still all over Apollo, frothing over his body (as said before no judgement here, froth all you like Rachel).
But Simone is watching with her hawkeye from afar admitting an intense "Sim's coming out". We're pretty sure she already arrvied quite a while ago...
Miraculously Rachel and American Jared end up chatting at the bar right next to Simone and she's taking no prisoners.
Looks like Simone's skills aren't too shabby, the pair end up going for a "sunset walk" together and they're all over each other. Now it's Leah's turn to lose the plot.
Amidst all this Simone-Apollo-Rachel-Jared-Leah jealousy, it's easy to forget where on earth Megan got to.
Well, she's been whisked away to meet... Canadian Thomas. But wait? Didn't he get sent home? No rose = going home right? Apparently the producers can just make any rules up now...
The pair went to enjoy a secret date together discussing their feelings for each other and their apparent connection and you know there's serious sexual chemistry when a man feeds you with a pair of chopsticks.
We go back to paradise again, and Leah is sulking on the hammock and American Jared takes it upon himself to be a perfect gentlemen to tell her his intentions to get to know Rachel.
Suddenly, Leah is all over Jared tell him she's "glad" he's in Paradise and that's he "pretty cute". Yeah, because he'll give you a rose so you can stay on you're free holiday!
Heading back to Megan's date with Thomas the pair decide to take a dip in the sea. And doesn't this scene look very familiar to some people?
Oh yeah, that promo that was released hinting that Megan kisses Elora. IT WAS THOMAS ALL ALONG. You sneaky producers, you.
The pair walk back into Paradise together and dun, dun, dunnnnnn drama is about to go down.
But, oh wait dammit, in typical cliffhanger action, we're going to have to wait until tomorrow night.
Catch ya then, folks.
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