He's the smooth, suave, slightly mean uncle you never wanted to sit next to at Christmas
And it turns out that while Simon Cowell has always been, let's say, opinionated, he used to look quite different, as a 1987 clip of him demonstrates.
Sporting a perfectly blow-dried, dark-blonde perm and loose white T-shirt casually rolled up at the sleeves, '80s-era Simon looked more like the lost member of Wham! than a well-dressed media mogul.
Listening to young Simon whinging about the poor production of a sex-education TV show, you can almost imagine he's behind the judges' desk on The X-Factor – except that his voice is pitched at an almost munchkin-level squeak.
'Ahahaha it sounds like he inhaled helium,' one commenter wrote on YouTube, and they're not wrong.
Mr Cowell probably wishes this one had stayed in the vault.