Why we need to keep Jennifer Aniston’s conversation going

Jennifer Aniston is often the face for tabloid gossip. Glossies always ask; is she fat, pregnant or over her ex Brad Pitt yet? These questions and rumours have been reused and recycled for many many years.

The Hollywood actress has never reacted to these rumours. She’s not on social media and often opts to keep her private life, well, private.

So when Jen penned an essay against the tabloids that she feels constantly body shame her and create false rumours about her, we had to listen and join the conversation.

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The 47-year-old chose a single platform - The Huffington Post - to start a very important discussion. One that is bigger than tabloids and rumours, one that talks about how women are valued in our society.

She wrote, “we don’t need to be married or mothers to be complete,” and that is where the conversation begins.

Let me preface by saying, in no way is this castrating those who are married, or mothers, because that is an achievement too. This conversation is about not judging any woman for choosing – what Fifi Box coined – her own “happily ever after.”

Fifi spoke on radio today addressing Jennifer Aniston's article and backing her powerful piece. She commented on the rumours so often printed about Jen and said:

“Whenever I see that about Jen I think, ‘what if she’s desperate for a child, what if she’s going through her own painful process of whether or not she can conceive by herself, she may need help, she may have gone through cycles of IVF – we know nothing.”

The radio host pointed out that Jen’s situation could be a really sensitive issue, but also highlighted that it shouldn’t matter either way. Fifi loved the point that we – as women – are complete with or without a mate and that we determine our own happiness.

“Girls need to know that you get to decide what makes you happy and what’s your happily ever after because we all grew up [with] rom coms – movies telling us ‘find love, settle down, have kids’ and that’s not necessarily what makes people happy," Fifi said.

Famed philosopher and author Alain de Botton has been touring Australia this week talking about his newest book The Course of Love. Alain is forcing us to question everything we think we know about love too.

"I think in a way we’re not taught to love at all. We’re taught that feelings are everything and everything will be fine. Having a go at a relationship means letting go of those passionate feelings,” he told Be.

Alain wrote for Daily Life about the fact that we are almost certain to marry the wrong person.

“It’s an error we're highly likely to make…almost certainly - end up marrying the wrong person,” he wrote in his column.

He writes about how we believe that we’re seeking happiness in marriage, but then explains that it’s not that simple.

“What we really seek is familiarity,” he writes.

The 46-year-old told Be that what’s wrong with our expectation of love as adults is the idea that we believe we’re drawn to people who are ‘very’ nice. But we don’t realise we’re also drawn to people who make us suffer.

“Many of us had love from childhood that was wound up with weirdness – it’s an odd realisation but it’s some of the more perplexing choices. We’ll see someone go "they’re really nice... they're too nice" but what we mean is they're too nice for us because we're looking for something to confirm our suffering,” he said.

Alain points out that marriage is not necessarily the key to end unhappiness even though that’s what so many in our society believe.

Many in our society also believe that all women who are able to have children should - that it isn't a choice.

Writer Holly Brockwell was slammed when she fought for the right to be sterilised at the age of 30 so she would never be able to have children. She was attacked and trolled by many for a choice that was solely her own.

What society needs to understand is that being childfree or unmarried is not a cause for concern. For some people it is what makes them happy.

For others it isn’t a choice, it’s a matter of uncontrollable circumstance. Some people never find the ‘right’ person to spend their life with, others lose partners to death and never find another, some people can’t fall pregnant, are struggling with IVF and so the list goes on.

It comes back to the idea that you never know what’s happening behind closed doors. Never judge another, for you don’t know their whole story. Don’t judge celebrities like Jen or Fifi – or any woman – for the choices she makes.

Because, “we don’t need to be married or mothers to be complete,” and we can all choose our own happily ever after.

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