The Bachelor recap: Richie's search for love has begun!

So here we are, another year, another season of The Bachelor.

After failing to win over Sam Frost on The Bachelorette, Richie Strahan is our man. That’s right, Mr Cool Bananas himself is our new Bachelor!

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There will be awkwardness and hopefully, a heap of shirtless dates so we can see how ripped Richie is.

And Osher is back! And his hair! His glorious, well-gelled hair is back too.

The first shot of Richie is promising, there is a pool. And his shirt is off. We have seen Ripped Richie in action.

Anyway, after some reminiscing about healing a broken heart, Richie’s on a motorbike, which seems totally relevant to his quest for love.

Ah family man Richie with his mum. My heart. It aches. Too cute!

He’s ready! He’s prepared! He’s going to find the one for him!

I hope it ends with you finding the love of your life too Richie, otherwise I will have wasted another season of The Bachelor on a weirdo from Western Australia who didn’t find love.

Time to meet some of the girls!

First up is Megan, she’s riding a skateboard and likes free diving. She’s also from Western Australia so let’s face it she’ll probably win.

Noni from the Gold Coast is a swimwear designer. She loves bacon. She has a bacon tattoo…Yeah. Okay.

Janey is skipping to an ice cream shop. She likes magic and sparkles and rainbows and sunny days. And I think she’s dressed as a fairy… Janey is a child in a 26 year old’s body.

At last! It’s time for the cocktail party.

Richie arrives, he looks nervous and says he’s “sweating bullets” and that he will probably say something silly.

His palms are sweaty, there’s vomit on his sweater already…

Oh no, sorry, I thought Richie was going to break into Lose Yourself describing how he feels as the first limo arrives.

Richie describes standing and waiting for a limo as a “wild experience”. Geez mate, I’d hate to see your Friday night.

Nikki is first up and we’ve already heard Richie say “crikey”. First impressions are so awkward when you’re watching on national television.

Ooh our girl Megan is up!

He thinks she’s incredible, she thinks he’s gorgeous. They’re in love. Kiss! Kiss already!

Richie loves that she’s from Geraldton. They’re into all the same things. KISSSSSSSSSSSS. There’s electricity between you two Megan, there is DEFINITELY electricity.

Oh lord Janey is here… In what can only be described as some form of princess gown. “It’s a miracle” Janey says when she sees Richie.

No Janey, Richie was just rejected and then cast as The Bachelor. Simples babes.

She offers to buy Sam Frost two bottles of champagne and a jumping castle for rejecting Richie. Seems like an extravagant gift to give someone for a break-up.

Oh god she lost a shoe. On purpose. Tone it down girlfriend. What if Richie doesn’t bring your shoe back? You’re down one heel for the rest of time.

Nat, Georgia, Tiffany arrived and they are forgettable because we don’t really get to see them talk to Bachie for more than five seconds.

Eliza is up and ready to find her penguin. IS she on the right show? Everyone else is here for Richie and she wants a penguin?

Lady Eliza, as she has introduced herself, wrote a song for Richie and is now singing a song for him.

This is awkward.

Alex is here to take an amazing chance to find love and has a poem! She’s written a poem for him and now she is reciting said poem for Richie and this is even MORE awkward to watch than the song.

It’s a song and a poem double whammy. All we need is a magic trick and we have the trifecta!

Kiki, Aimee, Rachael, Marja, Sophie, Laura, Tolyna and Mia are all forgettable too because they don’t get more than five seconds air time when they arrive.

Oh. Lara Bingle is on the show! Wait, her name is Keira and she’s “fun, successful and has amazing style” she’s “a catch” apparently.

Vintaea likes Richie’s teeth alignment, which is what we’re all looking for in a man. Good teeth alignment.

“Oh wow another girl”. Yeah love, you are aware you’re on the Bachelor right? The entire concept of the show is about Richie dating MULTIPLE women.

There’s always one who doesn’t quite get it.

The roses are here! Osher brings out the white rose and says in a Bachie first Richie and the white rose winner get “exclusive access” to a secret hideaway away from the other girls.

So this season it seems that there is a secret sex room.

LET THE HUNGER GAMES BEGIN!

Richie joins the cocktail party, says he’s ready to fall in love and the girls begin fighting over him.

Everyone is vying for Richie’s attention and we see who is jealous and who is not. Everyone is jealous.

“It took me by surprise how may girls wanted to say G’day to me”. What do you think they’re here for Richie? A ham sandwich? IT’S YOU MR COOL BANANAS.

Kiki compares the girls to a pack of wild animals and frankly, I tend to agree.

Keira, who has stolen Richie, says the white rose would “turn her on” – direct quote from Lara Bingle 2.0.

Keira isn’t making friends right now. In fact, she has 21 other girls pitted against her. We have found this season’s villain. If she happens to make it through the rose ceremony.

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Eliza has suggested a “plank off” in formal gowns. Tiffany and Richie are the final two on the ground.

Tiffany gets the first rose! It would seem her planking abilities have won Richie over. If he wanted a girl with excellent core stability he should have just gone down to his local Fitness First and saved himself months of filming.

Janey is still missing her shoe, so her plan to leave one with Richie isn’t exactly working out, until Prince Charming himself arrives and gives it back. He probably felt sorry for her, she’s been hobbling around all night.

Megan gets a rose! There’s a connection! She’s going to win!

RICHIE HAS PICKED UP THE WHITE ROSE. I REPEAT. THE WHITE ROSE IS IN PLAY. WHO WILL HE GIVE IT TO?!

Plot twist: Richie gives it to Osher because they have a beautiful bromance going on.

In a BIGGER plot twist, he’s given the white rose to single mother Alex. He’s sorry their time together was cut short earlier and wants to take her to the secret hideaway.

THE ROSE CEREMONY. AT LONG LAST!

Three of the girls already have roses, so there’s 19 girls left.

Osher is displaying his excellent knowledge of maths and declares there are 16 roses and that three girls will be leaving the Bachie tonight.

As the roses get handed out, Vintaea walks off. The girls are stunned! What is she doing?!

She’s making this rose ceremony be even more drawn out, that’s what she’s doing. For goodness sake Vintaea, there are journalists recapping this episode that need to go to bed.

She’s backing out! She’s done! Well that was painless and frankly Richie doesn’t seem phased so she probably wasn’t getting a rose anyway.

One rose left! Three girls! Who will he choose?! The suspense, Richie please, hurry.

Keira gets the final rose leaving Natalie and Aimee to go home.

Heartbreak season has begun.