Nicole Richie refuses to apologise for her 'beastly' past

Nicole Richie is now a respected fashion designer and mother of two frequently photographed with A-list friends like Gwyneth Paltrow and Cameron Diaz. Her party girl past as Paris Hilton’s co-star on The Simple Life and the subject of multiple arrests has somehow faded into the back of our minds.

However, Richie’s wild past is something that she does still think about, and she reflected on it as she marked her 35th birthday last month. In a new essay called Untitled: and that’s the point! for Lena Dunham’s Lenny newsletter, she explained why she's refusing to apologise for her past actions.

“I realised I am actually extremely thankful I was so beastly in front of the world for a few reasons,” she wrote. “It’s so bad in people’s minds that there’s nothing that can embarrass me now. I got a little surprise gift of freedom! I also truly believe if I didn’t have so many eyes on me, it would’ve been easier for me to slip back into my reckless behavior. I had people rooting me on and watching me at a time when I needed that.

“When I am out in the world naked and vulnerable, I acknowledge that I was young, had a lot of freedom, and made some ‘bad decisions’ but how bad are they if it‘s part of a journey to understanding who I am and what I stand for?”

She made it clear that she has no interest in being a cliché Hollywood comeback tale … even though she kind of is.

“I could fall into the role-playing that some people seem to want and say, ‘YES! I am so sorry. I was bad. I am good now! I promise.’” she mused.

“But I don’t believe in that story of redemption, a good-prevailing-over-evil story. It’s one I’m just not in. I am not going to apologise for being me so you can get your triumphant ending. I don’t believe the world operates in absolutes, in black and white and short and tall — I like living in the gray, in the medium.”

She added: “That’s because all of these things I learned by being me in my teens and 20s are just more tools that allow me to live in a more peaceful, safe way.”

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“The simple yet difficult act of forgiving yourself is so powerful, because it’s all within you. We have to embrace ourselves and hold every part of our journey in some type of light. Instead of reliving my past as a point of shame, I’ve embedded the lessons into my skill set.”

“I’ve been given many titles: Wild child. Reality star. White-washed black girl. Skinny. Rich. (I guess the last two aren’t so bad), Now, at 35, the only titles I am taking on are the ones I give myself.”

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