MKR's ultimate showdown: Josh v Matt

Forget Federer and Nadal. This season of MKR has given us the rivalry of the decade: WA deckhand Josh and QLD physio Matt.

It’s truly been glorious watching these two serve up zinger after zinger at the dinner table.

Their partners in crime, Amy and Alyse, are equally savage and we’re not gonna lie, these villainous couples are the best thing about the series. The food comes a close second!

We’ve seen Seafood King Josh serve up some truly heinous fish that sent Alyse dashing to the loo for a quick vom, and then we witnessed Matt and his wife commit #Jargate, when they used store-bought red curry paste in their cooking. It was a terrible crime, and caused Pete to make this face:

So thanks to these big-talking teams’ atrocious scores, they’ve found themselves facing off in a dramatic sudden death cook-off in Kitchen HQ. It’s TV gold, and we couldn’t be more excited.

As it all kicks off, Manu says: “Time to bring out the big guns”. We’re pretty sure he’s talking about Matt’s arms, which of course are modestly displayed in a tight t-shirt.

As the teams prepare to cook, Josh mentions the word “cheat” so many times that we wish we’d known beforehand so we could have planned a MKR drinking game around it.

Matt’s not beating around the bush either, and he says: ‘I reckon they’re just losers, and that’s what they’re going to do tonight.” He and Alyse are daringly cooking salmon for their entré – yes, they are taking on the Seafood King.

‘We’re not overly worried,” Alyse says. “He talked the talk and did not walk the walk at all. He walked straight off the plank and into the bottom of the ocean.”

Spoiler alert: the seafood puns are 10/10 in this episode.

When it comes to serving up their entrees, Josh and Amy impress the judges and guest chefs with their Kingfish sashimi, while Alyse and Matt’s sumac salmon is also a winner. The teams are neck and neck!

Until it’s time for mains. Oh, dear.

Amy has announced she’s head chef tonight, but she becomes preoccupied with prepping lemon meringue pie for dessert, so main is left up to Josh. He overcooks the fish, undercooks the rice, and although Amy smugly made her own green curry paste there just simply isn’t enough of it. “It’s just creamy fish,” Tully says upon tasting it.

But that doesn’t mean Alyse and Matt fared any better with their spatchcock. Matt decides to add burnt onions to their carrot puree which unsurprisingly gives it a, er, burnt taste.

They also manage to undercook the bird and nearly give everyone salmonella in the process.

“It’s a missed opportunity and a waste of a spatchcock,” Colin says, turning up his nose. He is sassier than all the other teams put together and we love it.

The teams are still neck and neck because their mains are equal in their crapness. Dessert becomes their redemption course!

Amy takes the reins back and Josh’s new job is to cut strawberries to serve on the side and to stand around looking vaguely supportive/concerned.

Meanwhile, Alyse has given Matt too much responsibility and his effort to caramelise the bananas for their banoffee pavlova result in them turning black.

“These are burnt,” he points out helpfully. Uh yes Matt, because you burnt them. We’re surprised Alyse doesn’t throw the pan of hot caramel sauce at him.

The desserts are served and once again the teams are very close. Josh and Amy’s – sorry, Amy’s – lemon meringue pie is very slightly undercooked but most of the judges enjoy it. “The filling is actually delicious,” Pete praises.

Meanwhile, Colin goes in on the banoffee pie and its accompanying “praline”. “It’s like sugar from a bowl with some nuts in it,” he scoffs. “You know its wrong, so why put it on the plate?’

The two teams line up nervously in front of the judges and guest chefs – it’s time to learn their fate.

With similarly average scores across the board, you can see Josh trying to remember his high school maths as he calculates who is ahead.

It only dawns on him when Manu and Pete announce him and Amy as winners – by two points. So close!

“We just knocked off our rivals,” he crows gleefully.

Matt and Alyse are not pleased. “It’s not nice to be booted off,” Matt says sulkily.

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Oh well Popeye, at least you’ve got your biceps!

My Kitchen Rules airs at 7.30pm on Seven.

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