Drama reaches new heights on Bachelor In Paradise

Deirdre Fidge
Updated

HOOLEY DOOLEY. Epic rejection, tantrum-fuelled threats and a love declaration in one night? Just another day in paradise.

No time to muck about - we have a suitcase of drama to unpack.

First up, WHAT ARE YOU DOING MEGAN? Flip-flopping between Thomas and Jake as some sort of weird test for Jake’s loyalty?!

Make up your dang mind!

this hoo-haa made me throw a cushion at my TV. If it breaks, I’m invoicing you Marx. Source: Ten
this hoo-haa made me throw a cushion at my TV. If it breaks, I’m invoicing you Marx. Source: Ten

We all should have been suss on her when she confessed that she’s only ever seen five movies in her whole life.

Who can trust someone who hasn’t seen the whole Harry Potter franchise?

Cue R.E.M. ‘Everybody Hurts’. Source: Ten
Cue R.E.M. ‘Everybody Hurts’. Source: Ten
Thomas looks like the guy who never shouts rounds of drinks and only talks about the spiritual experience he had in Nepal. Source: Ten
Thomas looks like the guy who never shouts rounds of drinks and only talks about the spiritual experience he had in Nepal. Source: Ten

She breaks Jake’s heart by telling him she smooched ol’ shaggy locks, but then she smushes it back together like Play-Doh by saying it made her realised she actually does want Jake.

Can you really trust her Jake? She probably hasn’t even seen Top Gun. Source: Ten
Can you really trust her Jake? She probably hasn’t even seen Top Gun. Source: Ten

Naturally, old MM has to now break Thomas’s heart. HONESTLY, THIS POOR BLOODY GUY.

He gets flown in from overseas, booted out, dragged back in, only to be rejected yet again.

Maybe it’s for the best; the potential for his and Megan’s hair to tangle and become one large dreadlock was way too high. Source: Ten
Maybe it’s for the best; the potential for his and Megan’s hair to tangle and become one large dreadlock was way too high. Source: Ten

Leah spends all day – and the days prior - threatening to leave to the point where the other gals are like “OK mate bye!” and not-so- subtly packing her bag and handing her passport to producers.

The highlight of this season has been the numerous crew who have featured on-screen. Source: Ten
The highlight of this season has been the numerous crew who have featured on-screen. Source: Ten
A glamorous peak behind the curtain! Source: Ten
A glamorous peak behind the curtain! Source: Ten
This boom mic operator is definitely applying for Masterchef next year. Source: Ten
This boom mic operator is definitely applying for Masterchef next year. Source: Ten

But what’s happening elsewhere? THE FIRST DECLARATION OF LOVE!!!!!

Ali and Grant are smitten and it’s totally fine and not at all annoying or rude that he isn’t in love with me, a random idiot sitting on a soiled carpet writing jokes.

“Did you say I love you or Olive Juice?” Source: Ten
“Did you say I love you or Olive Juice?” Source: Ten

Rachael gets a date card and canoodles with American Jarod on an island filled with men holding axes and wearing traditional garb, and drink some super strong kava.

I truly hope these men are being paid well for their time and treated respectfully. Source: Ten
I truly hope these men are being paid well for their time and treated respectfully. Source: Ten

Poor Rach must have a few annoying aunties who point at her belly and shriek ‘tick tock’ because she likes reminding us that she is 33. SO OLD, right?

The producers may well ship her off to a retirement home if she can’t make it work with Jarod.

Wow, who is this insanely decrepit octogenarian?! Source: Ten
Wow, who is this insanely decrepit octogenarian?! Source: Ten

It’s now time for the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party, because we need some mojito-infused emotions to kick off the night. Despite her tantrums, Leah decides she wants to stay and tries to persuade American Jarod to devote himself to her.

He responds with “yeah nah” (I’m paraphrasing) and confirms his petals are flying towards Rachael.

One highlight from tonight is Keira ragging on Leah for several minutes and then saying ‘but we shouldn’t gossip’. Source: Ten
One highlight from tonight is Keira ragging on Leah for several minutes and then saying ‘but we shouldn’t gossip’. Source: Ten

Ladies are stressing as it’s time for the petals to fly…

How to create a diversion to enable me to eat all the roses? Source: Ten
How to create a diversion to enable me to eat all the roses? Source: Ten
You can’t convince me these aren’t all the same person. Source: Ten
You can’t convince me these aren’t all the same person. Source: Ten

The cute boring couples all pick their ladies of course, but what’s this? Thomas chooses Rachael!

This is the distraction I need! Now lemme eat the flowers! Source: Ten
This is the distraction I need! Now lemme eat the flowers! Source: Ten
Eden must also have a kava hook-up because his eyes are always dinner plates.. Source: Ten
Eden must also have a kava hook-up because his eyes are always dinner plates.. Source: Ten

What’s poor traveller American Jarod meant to do in this situation? His lady has been snatched!

The obvious choice would be to choose Sasha because she is fun, sweet and has great taste in earrings, so of course… he gives his rose to Leah.

You bloody twit.

“Please kill me.” Source: Ten
“Please kill me.” Source: Ten
Ciao legend, even with the rose-eating you were way too normal for this place. Source: Ten
Ciao legend, even with the rose-eating you were way too normal for this place. Source: Ten

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