Should you choose your own engagement ring?

Whether your significant other has proposed yet or not, the debate around whether you should choose your own engagement ring or not is a heated one.

So it okay to tag your future fiancé in Instagram photos of sparkly numbers, before they’ve even proposed? Or should you just roll with it, and hope that he picks the right one? However the situation manifests, ultimately when it comes to getting engaged, most of us are faced with the same single, ever-important question: To choose or not to choose? Co-Founder of Moi Moi Fine Jewellery, Lauren Chang Sommer, weighs in on the pros and cons.

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For choosing your ring

You know you’ll love it
“Till death do us part” is a pledge that exists in even the oldest of wedding vows, so it’s logical that you would want to choose a ring that you’ll love for a long, long time.

It will suit you
Different cuts and designs suit different hands (not to mention personalities and lifestyles). Choosing together means you can both discuss the pros and cons of specific rings with the jeweller, questions can be answered by the intended wearer, and cuts, designs and sizes can be successfully tailored to suit you. Sometimes rings do not look the same in person as they do in photos.

You can enjoy your ring straight away
Some people like to propose with a commitment ring or something similar, which can be a sensible option for sure. But for some of us, the idea of waiting for the actual engagement ring is literally unbearable (think about how tense you can become just waiting for your ASOS order to arrive). And remember, if you let your partner choose the ring, you also run the risk of it not fitting, and this can mean a significantly frustrating wait for it to be resized!

There are a lot of options these days
The times are a-changing and diamonds aren’t for everyone anymore. In fact there are now plenty of diamond-alternatives available (like Moissanite, for example), and choosing your own makes the process slightly more confusing for the more ‘clueless’ proposer.

It will take some serious heat off of your future fiance
Not only will your ring become a permanent fixture on your finger, but it’s also a substantial expense. Often by helping your SO choose a ring you are taking an unbelievable load of pressure off them, and this way you can both enjoy the engagement.

Shopping for the ring together can actually be really fun
You may despise trips to Bunnings together, and you potentially disagreed about the purchase of every piece of furniture in your home, but rest assured that picking out an engagement ring together is probably going to be more fun and romantic than stressful for you as a couple. Ask anyone who’s done it.

Against choosing your ring

Where’s the romance?
Thanks to decades of rom coms, most of us have a predisposed idea of what the ‘perfect’ proposal looks like, and it usually doesn’t involve lengthy discussions about the cut (and perhaps even the budget) of your ring. If you’re a true romantic, seriously consider if you’re willing to give up the surprise.

It’s too stressful for you
Maybe the thought of finding your own ring is overwhelming, and you feel your partner can better carry the burden.

There can be curly questions as to why you chose the ring
Anyone that has chosen their own engagement ring will likely have encountered an awkward question or two. Because people love a surprise, and sometimes it’s difficult for them to hide their disappointment when they find out that you were actually very much a part of the planning process. For those who feel uncomfortable explaining themselves, just be wary of this.

Window shopping means you can have your cake and eat it too
Possibly one of the most unassuming means of ring-choosing is casual window shopping with your partner. These days a great number of couples start discussing the idea of engagement before anyone actually pops the question, so dropping hints about rings you like really isn’t that taboo.

At the end of the day, it really is a personal decision for everyone. But judging by the number of pros versus cons listed, it’s safe to say a little bit of planning (or nudging) is often the way to go.

It really can be as simple as having a casual convo to make sure you’re both on the same page when it comes to your thoughts and expectations. One of the most compromising approaches is to put together a Wish List at your jeweller, and to then leave the ultimate decision in the proposer’s hands. If you’re not sure how to be explicit about what you want without sounding pushy, ask a trusted friend or family member to stealthily find out what your partner’s preference would be when it comes to choosing the ring.

If you find out they are hell-bent on choosing the ring for you, you may need to weigh up your needs with their feelings. At the end of the day, sometimes it’s more important to let them do something that feels special to them than it is to get your own way.

- Yahoo staff

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