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Ash Pollard: How to survive when a friendship falls apart

Ash Pollard is best known as one of Australia’s most gifted home cooks. But underneath those signature spiral blonde curls, the television personality and radio-host has a noggin full of knowledge that she’ll be sharing exclusively with Be.

Over the next 12 weeks she’ll be sharing her top tips on how to tackle life’s trickiest situations— from what to do during an awkward encounter with an ex, to surviving a dreaded social media slip-up.

This week: how to survive when a friendship falls apart.

This week Ash Pollard takes us through how to survive a friendship break up. Source: Getty
This week Ash Pollard takes us through how to survive a friendship break up. Source: Getty

After last week’s article on “How to survive a break up with your dignity intact”, I thought it was only appropriate to continue the trend this week.

But, this week it’s going to be all about how to survive a friendship falling apart which – in some cases – can be even worse than a romantic break up.

One thing I definitely pride myself on is the friends I keep. It is a great reflection on who you are as a person. You need to surround yourself with people who compliment you, bring out the very best in you and, of course, accept you for who you are.

Surround yourself with friends that bring out the best in you. Source: Getty
Surround yourself with friends that bring out the best in you. Source: Getty

Recently I, myself, went through a real shocker of a friend break up. However, if I’m honest, I did kind of see it coming from the beginning. I gave this particular person far too many chances and in the end realised the space and energy they were taking up in my life wasn’t worth it anymore.

How did I go about it though?

I explained that their actions, morals and values just didn’t meet mine. I made sure I communicated my point politely but also constructively. But I don’t think this person understood, nor did they really seem to care.

Sometimes you just need to call it a day on friendships. Source: Getty
Sometimes you just need to call it a day on friendships. Source: Getty

So, I decided to call it a day. I wanted to focus my energy and time on my true friends and other important aspect of my life.

What are the most common causes for a friendship break up? Let’s go through some of them.

The one that just can’t be repaired

Sometimes, friendships end because someone has done something wrong. A disagreement perhaps, broken trust, cheating, not following through with plans time and time again. It might simply be who that person is and there’s nothing you can do to change that.

Perhaps nothing too major happened but it is enough for you to remove yourself from a friendship that’s unhealthy for you. It can be a shame because it most likely would have been a friendship you thought was good and would be long lasting. But, these things happen, and if they do you just may have to accept it!

Sometimes friendships just can't be repaired. Source: Getty
Sometimes friendships just can't be repaired. Source: Getty

The infamous drift

I have to admit; I don’t mind this one. As disappointing as it may be to drift apart from a friend or vice versa, I feel it’s a little easier to cope with than being betrayed.

According to experts, this is the most common reason for a friendship break up. One or both friends may not have enough interest or energy to keep said friendship afloat. One may be more self-involved than the other or just may have less time for friends. They may even simply be less in need for a companion.

The shift

Life changes, people change and friendships change too! Perhaps you or your friend are shifting from one phase in life to the next and that can have an impact – good or bad – on a friendship.

The transition from school to university, university to the working world, moving states, getting a promotion, having a child… the list goes on. All of these factors can really change the dynamics in the relationship you share with your friends.

Whatever the reason for the friendship break up, view it as a growing experience.

People change, life changes and friendship changes. Source: Getty
People change, life changes and friendship changes. Source: Getty

Losing a friend is a life lesson we will all experience at one point or another. It makes us learn that change is inevitable and that we have to accept some loss and rejection in life.

Without loss and rejection how on earth do we grow and learn to become stronger and wiser?

Friendship break ups do tend to go unnoticed, unlike romantic relationship break ups. The grieving process breaking up with your significant other may be slightly more intense and heartbreaking.

So how do you actually deal with the loss of a friend from your life?

Well, like I said in last week’s article, time will bring clarity. Make time for yourself and focus on what you enjoy and what makes you happy. Reign in your social media time, get plenty of sleep, exercise, take up that hobby you’ve been wanting to take up for ages.

Take up that hobby you've always wanted to! Source: Getty
Take up that hobby you've always wanted to! Source: Getty

Try not to fret over how unfair it is that your friend left your dynamic duo or that you had to end it because of lack of effort on their part – get that out of your mind. You need to otherwise it’ll eat you alive!

Unless salvaging that friendship is an option… pick your battles wisely!

Take time for yourself. Source: Getty
Take time for yourself. Source: Getty

In the past I’ve wanted to send scathing letters to those friends I’ve ended things with, but a sound piece of advice from my dad saved the day.

He said: “Pen a letter, write down all your feelings, concerns, etc. Get everything off your chest and sit on it for a few days but NEVER SEND IT. After a few days your feelings should have calmed down and you won’t have done anything regrettable.”

RELATED: Ash Pollard: How to survive meeting the parents
RELATED: Ash Pollard: How to survive a break up with your dignity intact

Thanks, Dad!

Just because your friendship ended, that doesn’t mean that wipes what memories the two of you would have shared before. Be humble!
And if you are really struggling, talk to a professional. There is absolutely no shame in that.

Just try and remember that age-old saying: some friends are for a reason, some are for a season and some friends are for a lifetime.

Some friends are for a reason, some are for a season and some are for a lifetime. Source: Getty
Some friends are for a reason, some are for a season and some are for a lifetime. Source: Getty

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