“Dear Angelina, I know what you’re going through”

Dear Angelina,

As I read of your surgery my hand found its way to my chest and I found myself gently stroking the place where my left breast had been. As my fingers rubbed over the scar line I was taken back in time to the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and the decisions I was forced to make.

And like you, every decision I made was about my children. I had two tiny children who were a little older than Shiloh and a little younger than Zahara. And like you, I have lost my mother to cancer.

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When the doctors told me that I did have breast cancer my first thought was that my life may be over at the age of 37. I thought of my babies, innocent and trusting as they looked at me expecting nothing more than love and care as it had always been. All I could see were two children left motherless at such cruelly young ages. They had a sleepover at a friend’s house that night whilst their mummy gathered her strength and her courage and worked out the best way to help them through the days and months ahead.

And you have done this too. You told us that you could now look at your children and tell them that they would not lose their mummy to cancer. Because you know what it is like to lose your own mother. And it doesn’t matter how old you are, the loss of the one person who loves you and knows you so intimately well is one of the most difficult things to ever deal with.

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Way more difficult than losing your breasts.

Many people wondered how I felt about the loss of my breast. And I was terrified before the surgery as to how I would be, how I would feel, how I would look after my mastectomy. And for months I was angry at this assault on my femininity. For months I could hardly bear to look at the scar. And yet now, as my fingers follow the silver line winding its way across my chest and under my arm, those feelings of anger have been replaced by gratitude. I lost a breast but I saved my life. And every time I look at my children, I know it is exactly what I should look like.

A small price to pay for the assurance of time.

And so Angelina, I wish you love and life through your recovery. I applaud your brave decision to stare down your risk of cancer and laugh in its face! I know you have done this because you want to be a mummy for the longest time and I know you have given your children the gift of resilience and determination and they will grow up being aware of the beauty and the pain that breasts can bring.

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And perhaps as someone who is looked at by the public in such intrusive ways, you are teaching your children and in particular your boys, that breasts are not things to be ogled at like commodities, but to be respected as part of the whole.

With love,
Lisa

Lisa Hayden is a breast cancer survivor, wife, mother, motivational speaker and soon-to-be author. She’s also the founder of the blog, Girl At The Ironing Board, which started from the letters of love and wisdom she wrote to her young children during her health battle, “in case I did not survive”. Read her inspiring story at Lisa Hayden

If you have any questions about breast cancer or need more information visit cancercouncil.com.au