"I tried Kim Kardashian's post-baby diet and here's what happened"

At 27-years-old, I’m actually quite proud of my smug self that I’ve never bought into a fad diet in my whole life.

Sure, I’ve avoided overdosing on chocolate. And I’ve limited the amount of times I reach for the phone and order a Hawaiian pizza with a side of chicken wings and garlic bread. But really I just love junk food too much to ever fully turn my back on it.

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But when Kim Kardashian stepped out at LAX last week looking super-slim in a body-hugging dress, just six months after giving birth to little Saint West, I needed to try whatever she was on - despite the fact she’s admitted to wearing two pairs of Spanx at a time. Lord knows how she hides the visible lines.

Kim Kardashian looked smoking hot last week, showing off her post-baby diet.
Kim Kardashian looked smoking hot last week, showing off her post-baby diet.

We’ve seen countless celebrities bouncing back within weeks of welcoming their little bundles of joy into the world, however selfie queen and Keeping Up With The Kardashians star Kim Kadashian has lost 27 kilograms since December.

To put that into perspective that's over four kilos every month. And calorie wise: the equivalent of 240 sticks of butter, 60 pints of beer and 46 pizzas.

And while I may be proud of my blatant disregard for dieting, I’m certainly not about to shout it out from the rooftops the number of pizzas I’ve consumed since Christmas.

So when it came time for somebody to be a guinea pig for Kim’s post-baby diet, I volunteered (feeling very like Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games) because hey, what harm could it do popping my fad diet virginity on a plan that limited my carb intake?

And so began my three days of living on Kim’s post-baby diet, a.k.a the Atkins diet, which she revealed to People.com last week.

How it works: in a nutshell you’re allowed a very limited intake of ‘good carbohydrates’ throughout the week and encouraged to eat a lot of protein, veggies and Atkins bars, which are meant to fill you up to stop cravings.

So here's how my three days living like Kim K went.

Day 1

Day one of my diet was supposed to start on Monday morning but really it started on Sunday where I spent a good two hours in the supermarket looking like a scared tourist in a foreign country, desperately scouring the aisles for the obscure ingredients on Kim’s list - if only I had a picture of the face of the fishmonger made when I asked her for a fillet of halibut.

When Monday morning rolled around I realised I had totally underestimated the preparation time required to make this diet work and ended up standing in the kitchen at 5am in my dressing gown, cooking a turkey sausage with scrambled egg and smoked gouda cheese on a pan, willing the fire alarm not to go off and wake up my whole building. At 6am I was out the door, making it to my desk for 6:30, smelly breakfast in hand.

Breakfast on day one: scrambled eggs, turkey sausage and smoked gouda cheese. Photo: Sarah Carty
Breakfast on day one: scrambled eggs, turkey sausage and smoked gouda cheese. Photo: Sarah Carty
Followed by: Greek yoghurt with 1/3 cup of fresh blueberries. Photo: Sarah Carty
Followed by: Greek yoghurt with 1/3 cup of fresh blueberries. Photo: Sarah Carty
Snack: Atkins bar. Photo: Sarah Carty
Snack: Atkins bar. Photo: Sarah Carty

I quickly forced it down at my desk and moved on to part two of breakfast (yes, there’s more), which was four ounces of Greek yoghurt and 1/3 cup of fresh blueberries. Needless to say, I didn’t finish it all.

Despite not being a morning-snack type of person, when 10:30am came around I was determined to stay on Kim’s diet plan and chowed down on an Atkins low-carb, high-protein bar, which was surprisingly quite tasty.

Thankfully I was more prepared for lunch, which was grilled lime chicken over a spinach feta salad. While it may not look like much, it was a welcome respite having eaten what I would normally eat in my whole work day that morning.

Lunch on day one. Photo: Sarah Carty.
Lunch on day one. Photo: Sarah Carty.
Snack of one medium carrot with four tablespoons of hummus. Photo: Sarah Carty.
Snack of one medium carrot with four tablespoons of hummus. Photo: Sarah Carty.
A dinner of barramundi and green beans. Photo: Sarah Carty
A dinner of barramundi and green beans. Photo: Sarah Carty

At 3:30pm snack time came around again and I found myself sitting on my sofa watching the new episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians while munching on one medium carrot and four tablespoons of hummus. Who am I?

Despite it being glaringly obvious that Kim spends a lot of her life working off all that protein in the gym, I decided to skip the treadmill and prepare dinner and my food for the next day - and watch a lot more TV.

After finding it impossible to come across a fillet of halibut in Sydney, I settled on a piece of barramundi for dinner with sautéd green beans. The verdict; it may not have been very satisfying but it certainly filled me up enough that I didn’t need a slab of chocolate and a cup of tea on hand while I watched Game of Thrones that night.

Day 2

I survived day one as Kim K without caving and popping to Oporto for some hot chip. So on day two I was feeling like I had this whole Atkins thing down to a tee. Who need carbs anyway?

I prepared breakfast like a champion the night before and sat down at my desk willing myself to just even try the sautéd cauliflower, chorizo, cheese and salsa. As I thought, I picked out the chorizo and threw the rest in the bin. Cauliflower for breakfast just simply wasn't happening. My day was not off to a great start.

At 10:30am I had a meeting and it would have been rude of me not to have a coffee right? I ditched the half a small apple and two ounces of cheddar cheese I was meant to have as a snack in favour of a flat white, with only half a sugar, because I’m on a diet.

Breakfast on day two. Photo: Sarah Carty.
Breakfast on day two. Photo: Sarah Carty.
Turkey burger with chipotle aioli, tomato and onion. Photo: Sarah Carty
Turkey burger with chipotle aioli, tomato and onion. Photo: Sarah Carty

Lunch was a bit more of a challenge. My whole team headed to a local café for a colleague’s farewell lunch, where they ordered delectable burgers, hot chips, risotto and did I mention chips?

Like the Sir Buzz-Killington I was that day, I sat there will my glass of water, dreaming about my turkey burger with chipotle aioli, tomato and onion I had waiting in the fridge back at the office.

Snack on day two was an Atkins trail bar. Photo: Sarah Carty.
Snack on day two was an Atkins trail bar. Photo: Sarah Carty.
Dinner on day two was slow roasted chicken with asparagus and brown rice. Photo: Sarah Carty.
Dinner on day two was slow roasted chicken with asparagus and brown rice. Photo: Sarah Carty.

Needless to say I devoured it without seconds of being at my desk and followed it up with another Atkins bar, which was supposed to be my snack that day.

Back at home I slow-roasted a breast of chicken with lemon and rosemary for dinner, accompanied with eight spears of asparagus and a 1/3 cup of brown rice. Yet again, it didn’t blow me away into a food daze but it did the trick and I didn’t snack for the rest of the night. Result.

Day 3

I’m not going to lie, by day three I was dreaming of carbs. Potatoes, bread, nachos, muffins, pizza. You name it, I wanted it.

Breakfast did nothing to quench my carb craving but I ate the green chili, cheese and egg bake with rocket on the side anyway because it was the morning. I was hangry and that's what Kim says she eats for breakfast on a Wednesday.

By 10am I had already eaten my 1/8 of a honeydew melon snack and by 12pm my zucchini noodles with spicy chicken sausage was in my belly.

Breakfast on day one was just as unappetising as it looks. Photo: Sarah Carty.
Breakfast on day one was just as unappetising as it looks. Photo: Sarah Carty.
Day three's lunch was zucchini noodles with spicy chicken sausage. Photo: Sarah Carty
Day three's lunch was zucchini noodles with spicy chicken sausage. Photo: Sarah Carty

At 2pm I had my protein bar and rather sheepishly I’ll admit that’s where my dedication to the diet ended.

That night I was supposed to have grilled chicken with cauliflower mac and cheese but it never happened. But before you judge me for giving up just at the last hurdle, in my defense, real life happened. My team volunteered to cook for a charity that night and I couldn’t help snacking on the desserts as we cooked our chicken, beef and vegetarian stir-fry.

On Thursday morning I have never been so happy to see a slice of toast with avocado in my life.

While Kim's post-baby diet was hardly torture to go through for three days, the preparation time just isn't realistic for people who work in an office job and have social events they need to attend.

My last snack on Kim Kardashian's diet was a protein bar. Photo: Sarah Carty.
My last snack on Kim Kardashian's diet was a protein bar. Photo: Sarah Carty.

If I had a personal chef, trainer and someone who watched over everything I ate at social gatherings, ready to smack my hands away when I reached for the glass of wine and junk food, then this diet would definitely be doable.

Unfortunately I have none of these things and Kim's diet got old, very fast.

But hey if you need to hit the beach in two weeks and you're looking for a quick tummy-trimming, weight-loss trick, then this might be a winner for you.

Just be prepared to spend your nights and part of your days dreaming of carbs, carbs, beautiful carbs.

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