I'm a GP and I didn't know I had postnatal depression

When Rachelle Silver - a GP from Sydney - gave birth to her third child, Samara, she distinctly remembers the warm fuzzy feeling she had on her way home from the hospital.

Just like any new parent, the mum-of-three felt content with her little family and was filled with pride and joy for her first daughter.

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However within weeks, the then 33-year-old was exhausted, irritable, and found herself crying at the end of her bed while feeding her daughter, feeling like she had “failed” as a mother.

“I would be rocking my daughter to sleep and I’d be in tears on the end of the bed - really crying,” Rachelle told Be.

“I really struggled with the other kids and how to manage and cope with them despite the fact that I had so much extra support.”

Rachelle and her family all knew something wasn’t quite right but couldn’t put a finger on it - putting her exhaustion down to caring for three kids under the age of four.

“I became a little bit more withdrawn and you really lose all your confidence and all your self-esteem,” Rachelle said.

“But it’s so easy at that stage to just brush these things off and say: ‘well it’s just because I’m tired, it’s just expected to be like this’.”

Six-weeks after the birth of Samara, Rachelle brought her daughter to her GP for a routine check-up and just as she was about to leave, the doctor asked her how she was doing.

They were the words Rachelle needed to hear for the floodgates to open and all the details of the past six weeks to come spilling out.

“She looked at me and she knew I was in a medical profession and she said: ‘listen to yourself, listen to what you’re saying, you have got postnatal depression’,” Rachelle said.

“It was only at that moment that I could stand outside of myself looking at what I was saying. And being a GP - I’m a doctor - I know these signs.

“I thought oh my goodness if I was a patient sitting in my office, of course I have postnatal depression. It was really obvious.”

Rachelle’s health had spiraled downwards at a rapid pace since the birth of Samara and even though she’s a GP and diagnoses people with PND all the time, she couldn’t identify it in herself.

“I think I’ve always been very aware of my own body and mind and really good at getting help for myself but I had no idea that’s what it was,” she said.

The mum was given antidepressants and within six-eight weeks of taking them she said felt her life has been turned around.

“They saved me, they saved my family. I was really well again,” she said.

When Samara was three-months old Rachelle was invited on a family trip to Byron Bay on one condition – that she would take part in the family triathlon team.

“It was so hard, grueling and painful,” she said.

“I had been a swimmer growing up but to get back in the water and find this so hard was a real wake-up for me.”

The next day Rachelle found a swimming squad in Sydney and began training twice a week.

After a while she realised a few people from the group had signed up to swim the English Channel, something you need to register your interest in three years in advance.

“I then thought you know what I’d love a goal, I’d really love to have a new identity and something to work towards and just work out how to be me again,” she said.

That was three years ago and now Rachelle is now pumping herself up to take on the 34km challenge in three weeks time.

The inspirational mum is aiming to raise $20,000 for PANDA – Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia, which supports expecting and new parents struggling with perinatal anxiety and depression.

“I think we need to talk about it because women need to realise that they’re not alone and that the feelings that they are feeling don’t need to be brushed off - they need to be looked in to,” Rachelle said.

“We are all human and I’m a very high functioning individual who had this illness that has been treated and it’s done nothing other than help me in my medical profession.

“It really has allowed me that extra empathy and compassion with my patients and I’m so much more sensitive with diagnosing it.”

To support Rachelle and help raise money for PANDA, click here.

If you're experiencing feelings of anxiety or depression contact BeyondBlue or PANDA for support.