Mum's gender disappointment sparks debate online

An expectant mother, who expressed disappointment over the gender of her baby, has sparked debate on a mum’s forum.

The woman explained that she thought she would be happy if she gave birth to a boy or a girl, but instead "couldn't stop crying" when she discovered the sex of her unborn child.

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The post saw offers of support from other mothers, who assured her “there's always a reason for everything”.

“How do you deal with gender disappointment? To be honest I’m really upset once I know the gender of my baby. I thought boy or girl would be fine but I just couldn't stop crying once I know the gender,” the mum wrote on the forum.

Other mother’s were quick to offer their advice to the woman, with many insisting she will feel differently once the baby comes.

“Is this your first baby? If so you will be amazed at how much you love it once it's here regardless of if its a boy or girl,” one mum said.

“There is always a reason for everything. It’s meant to be and will be the joy of your heart and life. Go nuts creating the theme for your new gender reveals room. He or she will be your far better than you ever imagined. Each child is so unique and different from the next,” another mum said.

The conversation threw the doors wide open on the the often-taboo subject of gender disappointment in expectant mothers, with many claiming they also experienced it during their pregnancy.

“I was so disappointed when I found out I was having a boy. I had dreamed my whole life of having a daughter and imagined how our life would be together. (I can only have 1 child for health reasons),” one mum started.

“Now that he's here I'm so happy that I have him, he was born 9 weeks early and I very nearly lost him, so I feel so blessed to have my darling boy and know that a higher power has a better plan than I could ever have.”

Others said they thought the mum would benefit from talking to a professional about it so she can work through her feelings.

“I'm still feeling sad, anxious and low confident. I will acknowledge this feelings and let it come and go. I hope I can get adjusted soon I don't know,” the expectant mum said.

Gender disappointment forums have began to spring up in recent years as places for women to express their feelings about the sex of their unborn child.

The Extreme Gender Disappointment forum has over 6,000 followers and other threads online have hundreds of comments from mums going through the same thing.

According to COPE (Centre of Perinatal Excellence), an organisation dedicated to perinatal mental health, it’s common to have fears about the gender of your baby and mums need to stop being so hard on themselves.

“Try not to make things worse by being harsh on yourself for feeling the way you do,” the website says.

“Remember: Acceptance often involves experiencing grief and disappointment. This is natural and understandable – even if not commonly spoken about.”

Australian actress Teresa Palmer recently took to her blog, yourzenmama.com, to open up about gender disappointment.

Teresa, who has three little boys, says she did wonder what she would be missing out on if she didn’t have a girl.

“Gender disappointment is a real thing,” she said.

“We live in a time now where we have people who identify with being genderless, transgender, bigender and others.

"What a beautifully progressive and loving world we live in these days that we can both fight for gender equality AND embrace the idea of not being defined by our sexual organs.

“This is the reason why I remind myself that the commentary on the gender of my children is outdated, silly and can be disregarded.

“All I really desire is having a healthy and thriving baby, their sex doesn’t have anything to do with it.”

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