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Once a Cheat, Always a Cheat: How Likely Are People to Stray the Second Time Around?

Studies suggest that 53 percent of women who are cheated on forgive their partners, in the hope that they won’t make the same mistake again.

However, sadly, it seems that the evidence is stacked against them. Cheating is more of a habit than we may want to believe.

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We spoke to four experts, a life coach, a clinical psychiatrist, a relationships expert, and a sexpert, discussing the subject of cheating with each. Interestingly, each professional came to a slightly different conclusion — illustrating the ambiguity of the issue and the real difficulty in labeling someone a cheat for life.

Tracey Cox, a sex and relationships expert and star of Channel 4’s “The Sex Inspectors,” however, certainly had a clean-cut view: Once a cheater, always a cheater.

“Ask yourself these questions: What’s their cheating history? If they’ve cheated on every person they’ve ever been out with and been forgiven for doing so, why should they stop?” says Tracey.

“It might cause you problems, but it’s working for them. A true serial cheater will often see nothing wrong with being unfaithful. The problem with giving second chances is this: Once you forgive bad behavior, you effectively condone it.

“If your partner has a history of being unfaithful and forgiven, or they’ve done it to you repeatedly, they will almost certainly continue to cheat.”

Shockingly, 45 percent of men admit to cheating on a partner, as compared with 21 percent of women.

However, clinical psychiatrist Richard Reid, who specializes in relationship issues and therapies, says things aren’t as clear-cut as Tracey suggests.

“It’s simplistic to suggest that everyone who has had an affair will definitely cheat again,” he explains. “While some people’s personalities are certainly predisposed towards repeat behaviour, the vast majority of affairs happen because people are emotionally overwhelmed and under-resourced to properly acknowledge and address their negative feelings.”

He’s view is that people cheat because they are struggling to deal with a whole load of emotional baggage. Infidelity is rarely the result of a momentary lapse in judgment or an attraction to someone else. But does that make it any more forgivable?

Richard suggests that the motivations that drive cheating can be addressed and solved to prevent this repeat behavior.

“With the right guidance and support, people can develop greater self-awareness and better coping strategies,” he says. Hence, they have the potential to learn to be better partners as a result.”

Relationships coach Susan Quilliam agrees that cheating is never the problem itself.

“Cheating is almost always a symptom rather than a cause of relationship problems. In other words, the relationship itself has hit hard times,” Susan says. Serial cheaters will tell themselves their cheating is justified, she argues, and that, “if they’re unhappy in a relationship, it’s OK to look elsewhere, either temporarily, or in order to find a new partner.

“And because they believe it’s justified, their partner’s misery or even the prospect of splitting is less likely to make them stick to the straight and narrow. ‘My wife doesn’t understand me’ is the classic line.”

Life coach Lucy Sheridan reminds us that cheating is merely a symptom of an existing problem, and that unless you solve that, it will continue to happen.

“There’s way more to it than just, ‘They’re an a**hole.’ It’s certainly more likely that cheating will happen again if someone is not choosing to deal with their problems and [is] trapped in the damaging fallout behaviors — i.e. the cheating,” she explains.

“The same question applies to all: ‘Has what was missing for the cheater been fulfilled?’ Have they healed or dealt with what motivated them to cheat in the first place?”

To change a cheater’s behavior, it seems you have to address the problem that is causing them to cheat. Are they lonely? Are they not satisfied sexually?

Just remember that while the real problem with the individual or the relationship will vary, cheating is normally a side effect of an existing problem.

Solve the real problem first to avoid the same thing happening over and over again.