Kids do the weirdest things

Kids have wild imaginations and can do some strange, strange things…

One Reddit user took to the forum to ask fellow parents “what is the weirdest thing you've caught your child doing?”

You won’t believe the bizarre and hilarious stories they replied with:

“My 3-year-old was sitting in a turned over rocking chair. She looked me dead in the eye and calmly said "And that's how the murder machine works". That still gives me the creeps.” -Absolut V

“When I was really young a friend came over and we took turns chopping each other's buttcracks with a toy hatchet I had.” -One bad poet

“My toddler had just started walking and would eat random things from the floor. One day I looked over and saw the tell tale signs of him trying to hide after his newest find. I stick my finger in his mouth and pull out a dried frog. A flat, dried frog that he had been sucking on. Totally gave me the creeps for awhile, I have no idea where he could have found something like that.” -Anon

“Not a parent, but when I was 10 or 11 my mum caught me feeling up a chicken thigh that she left out to thaw overnight. That would've been kind of okay, but I was ummm... Gyrating my hips and moaning at the same time. My mum came up behind me and asked what I was doing. I said I was rehearsing for a school dance.” -Anon

“When my cousin’s daughter was at the end of her diaper wearing age, she'd be running around and then just stop and stand in a corner facing the wall. We would ask ‘Lexi, what are you doing?’ and she'd angrily shoot back ‘I'm pooping! Don't look at me!’” -Azusanga

“2.5yr old son will lift my shirt just enough to see my belly button when I'm sitting on the couch, stick his finger in my belly button and just sit there like it is completely normal. If I try to remove his finger he just puts it back. No idea why.” -Inconspicuously_here

“I walked into the kitchen one day to see my 4 year old son cleaning the counter with a piece of ham. He then went over to the sink, washed off the piece of ham and then started to eat it.” -Link to the Pastiche

“When I was a kid I decided to make my hair blonde by putting lemon juice on it. All that happened is I attracted wasps.” -PrincessBaphomet

“My little brother, when he was around three years old, used to tell everybody how big our fathers penis was. At school, at the farmers market, to random people at the street, everybody (sic).” -KROON

“When my son was 2, I found him one night just standing in the middle of the hallway staring at the empty wall. I asked "what are you doing baby?" He just pointed at the wall and started screaming. When the screaming stopped, he simply laid down in the middle of the floor and slept. He also likes to stand in my room. I'll wake up and he'll just be standing in the middle of the room. He won't respond, move, make noise. Most of the time he's not even looking at me. It's so unnerving. A child who's awake will respond or look at you, but a sleepwalking child reminds me of the nurses from Silent Hill.” -Lady in Grey Pyjamas

Silent Hill." Photo: Getty Images">

“My daughter, who's five, took a sip of juice from a straw, spit it into her hand, and then proceeded to rub it into her hair like it was hair product or something. Right after I'd given her a shower. Why?” -Anon

“My daughter drew a picture of vampires and bears standing around. However she decided to draw them all pooping and with penises. She clearly labeled all of the parts so there wouldn't be any confusion.” -Pork Pants 81

“I heard loud music coming from my three year old son's room upstairs. When I yelled for him the music stopped and he appeared in the hall, wearing only underwear, sunglasses and a second pair of underwear on his head. "What, Dad?" -Old Forger

“Not a parent, but this one's about me. I hear this story nearly every holiday. When I was 5 or 6 years old some family friends were over for Christmas and brought me a little tent as a gift. It was one of those cheap little nylon ones with the plastic rods with elastic string through them that just kind of snapped together, and was just big enough for a little kid. They set the tent up for me to play in, in the middle of the living room. So, naturally, I promptly went inside and took off all of my clothes. I came out naked, stood squarely in front of our company in a wide stance, put my hands on hips and said "How do you like my penis!" My parents screamed at me to get back in the tent and put my clothes on. So I went back in, but I didn't put my clothes back on. No, I had a much better idea. Instead, I came back out, jumped into the same stance and loudly inquired, "How do you like it noooooooowwww?!" -Actual Butt

“Not a parent this was me. When I was 4 I put a slice of pizza in the VCR because I wanted to watch it on the TV.” -Bin Frunklin

“When I was a small child (around 7) many, many moons ago, I would lick my mom's friend's armpit hair, saying they tasted like chocolate. Funny thing is, no one stopped me.” -OrnsteinSolairechild

“My toddler went quiet for a moment while I was in the kitchen, and I went looking because I'm not stupid. Found her hunched over like Gollum under the dining table eating a banana (which, btw I have no idea how she got it) skin and all.” -Ghastly citrus

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“Walked into my three year old's room to find him seated at his toy piano, buck naked except for a necktie and a pirate hat, playing and singing his heart out. I thought to myself, 'wherever this kid goes, it's gonna be a party.'” -Walk through this

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