Aussie farmer on facing depression head on

Charles Roche graced our TV screens in 2011 when he shared his search for love on Farmer Want’s a Wife. Sadly his ‘happy ending’ didn’t last, but it was the start of a whole other journey.

Fans of the show will remember Charles as the hunky farmer from Barraba, NSW, who was labelled a ‘country gentleman’ and considered one of the most thoughtful farmers of series six of the show.

At the time he was ready to take a risk and open himself up to something new, but by the end of the series he was torn between two amazing women in Donna and Lucy.

And while he admitted to having feelings for Lucy, Charles shocked everyone when revealing she wasn’t the right one for him, instead choosing brunette beauty Donna.

After the series finished Charles and Donna remained together for some time but sadly their romance was short lived and the pair separated.

“The show was a great experience, and I was lucky enough to meet someone but it didn’t work out,” Charles, 39, tells Be exclusively.

Charles did go on to get married in 2013 but that also didn’t work out and when all was said and done, the lovable farmer, faced with being alone on the farm, became depressed.

At the time, of course, he didn’t realise how bad things were truly getting, as the end of his marriage coincided with the local Barraba community facing difficult drought conditions.

The dry spell throughout much of Northern, NSW, had already dragged on for some years, and by 2015 was putting a strain on Charles to keep his farm and livelihood at the time from going under.

“The weather has a huge influence on the decisions you make as a farmer,” Charles tells us.

“These decisions can turn out to be good or bad but that’s based on factors beyond your control, which creates a lot of stress, especially given the financial strain.”

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Adding to that stress, the relationship breakdown caused a lot of pain, and feelings of sadness, loss and hurt that Charles just didn’t know how to deal with.

“For me it felt like I’d failed in some way. You’re embarrassed or feel ashamed and it very easily becomes a downward spiral that’s hard to break out of,” he says.

Realising he was dealing with serious mental health issues, Charles decided that year he needed some time away from the farm, and started travelling to Sydney.

Seeking help to be able to ‘process’ and ‘recover’ was a big step for Charles, a step he describes as his ‘light-bulb moment’.

“Forgiving yourself is a big part of it, in terms of reconciling what’s happened, and accepting that. And it’s about opening yourself up to the support that is all around you,” he explains.

“For me, opening up to talk to friends and family only came about from seeking help initially. I realised how little I knew about mental well-being; about why we feel the way we feel in certain circumstances.”

While Charles was now on the road to recovery, he didn’t know he’d be faced with one more heartbreaking incident, making him more aware of the far-reaching impact mental health issues actually have in society.

The decision to spend time away from the farm saw Charles ask a good friend of his called Jim to look after it while he was away. Jim had retired but was still very capable on a farm and had experience managing as well.

“Jim was glad to move in on a permanent basis to look after the farm. He was very much at peace in the homestead, on the farm and in nature - spending his time checking on the sheep and cattle with his beloved Red Heeler cattle dog Buster,” Charles says.

One day though, in 2015, Charles was unable to reach Jim via phone or message. Worried, he decided to make the seven-hour trip back to Barraba.

When Charles got there Jim was missing and the police were called. But while going through mail that was left in the house, he found Jim’s diary which had a note telling him that he had taken his own life and not to look for him.

“What I felt in that moment was an unbelievable sadness and hopelessness because there is nothing that I could have done or said that could now change anything,” Charles says.

Jim’s suicide had a profound effect on Charles. He says the support and love that came from people in the local community afterwards, made him realise the world doesn’t just carry on after someone takes their own life.

“As soon as he was gone there was this outpouring of love that was obviously already there but he just wasn’t able to access it,” he says

“What happened showed our strength really resides in each other.”

Despite the heartbreak of losing a close friend to such horrible circumstances, Charles himself was in a good place and by the end of 2015 even fell in love again.

It was a Waratahs Super Rugby match where Charles met clinical psychologist Amanda, who is now his fiancée. No camera crews required.

“When I met Amanda I thought I was in a pretty good place but as the relationship grew, I think she naturally challenged me to live more positively, to process and learn from experiences,” Charles says, clearly smitten.

He says he started to focus on moving away from the self-destructive habits and towards other strategies around health and wellbeing, which is how his hobby of running started.

Joining local running club the Sydney Striders, Charles says his regular runs in Centennial park are a great outlet, especially for a country boy.

And now he is using his hobby, as well as his and Jim’s stories, in the hopes of helping others dealing with similar issues.

Sadly, more than 2,500 Australians die by suicide each year, with another 65,000 people making a suicide attempt. It's the leading cause of death for Australians between 15 and 44 years of age.

Charles had heard about the work the Black Dog Institute does in understanding preventing and treating mental illness, so when the opportunity came up to raise money for the charity by running in the New York Marathon, he was all in.

“It continues to happen, the message doesn’t seem to be getting through,” Charles says.

“Whether you’re a farmer, a sportsman, student, male or female, it’s important to get that message out that people are there for you. And just how much love and support actually exists in the community - you don’t have to do anything other than open yourself up to it.”

Charles has finally arrived at his ‘happy ending’ and is looking forward to marrying Amanda next week.

“I am glad to say Amanda will soon be my wife! We're celebrating our wedding in the country, in the town where I grew up. And then off to New York to run the marathon,” he says.

“If I wasn't raising money for Black Dog Institute, I don't think I'd be allowed to run a marathon on our Honeymoon!”

If you are concerned about the mental health of yourself or a loved one, seek support and information by calling Lifeline 13 11 14, Mensline 1300 789 978, or Kids Helpline 1800 551 800.

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