The REAL reason you’re still single but a total catch

Just because you’re beautiful, talented and popular it doesn’t always necessarily mean you will have a line of suitors falling at your feet.

In fact, you may actually turning off any potential love interests without even realising what you’re doing!

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But don’t worry, relationship expert Renee Slansky from The Dating Directory exclusively gave Be her tips and advice for those who are looking for love, but struggling to get a second date.

Your life is a billboard

“Just because social media gives us a hall pass to advertise our life openly to the world, doesn’t mean that we should,” says Renee. “Sharing your opinions and daily habits can be interesting up to a certain point, however when we start to air our dirty laundry and hashtag our desperation it can be quite a turn off. Any self-respecting suitor wants to know the person they date also has self-respect and understands the importance of boundaries when it comes to over sharing.”

You have no filter…

“Whilst it’s important to be yourself, it’s also wise to think about what you want to say and what impression you want to give someone,” our expert tells us. “When we blurt out our every emotion, feeling and thought on the first few dates we tend to send the signal that we either A) have no self-control, b) are lacking self-esteem and trying too hard, or c) are a little crazy…”

Stop talking about the ex

“First dates should be fun and about getting to know the person in front of you… not divulging your past failed relationships,” Renee says. “The past should stay in the past. If your date brings it up, then casually change the subject or tell them you don’t want to chat about it (not because it will make you cry, but because it isn’t important or unnecessary). Talking about the ex will only make things super serious and awkward, so best to stick to chatting about the weather if you get stuck!”

You're sending mixed signals

“We’ve established that neither men or women are mind readers and that effective communication is key to a good relationship,” Renee continues. “Your body language and what you say on the first few dates is what will essentially give them the right idea or not if you are into them. Sending mixed signals will only confuse your date and give them the indication that you aren’t serious or know what you want.”

You’re acting desperate

“So being single isn’t ideal for you? This doesn’t mean that you should go out searching for love high and low and doing whatever you can to obtain it,” Renee says. “When we learn to become happy in our present state of singleness, we then understand the importance of not trying to find someone to complete that happiness for us.”

You have issues you haven’t dealt with

“If you are repeatedly finding yourself single again and again, then perhaps it’s time to look at what you do to contribute to the downfall of those relationships,” adds Renee. “Are you self-sabotaging them? Do you have negative habits and issues that need to be dealt with? When we first learn to become the best version of ourselves we then open ourselves up to attracting the right person for us.”

You keep dating the same person over and over again

“It’s an interesting thought, but perhaps the reason you are single is because you keep dating the wrong type of person every.single.time,” says Renee. “Sure they will look different, have a new name and not be a carbon copy, but essentially you are CHOOSING to date someone with similar personalities or character. Hence why you are getting a very similar outcome each and every time. It’s good to know what you want, but it’s more important to know what qualities a strong relationship needs.”

You don’t know your self worth

“When we learn how to love and respect ourselves first, that is when we set the right standard for the love we deserve in our life,” Renee points out. “A healthy self-love means you understand boundaries, the way you should be treated and the type of person that you should be opening your heart to. If we fail to love ourselves first, we leave the door open to having someone else fail to love us the way we should be too.”

You don’t know what you want

“It’s hard to recognise what is right for us when we don’t know what it looks like or what we want,” Renne reveals. “Having a clear mind and direction of what we want from a relationship and partner gives us a better chance of inviting that into our lives. How? Simply because it gives us a certain standard to work towards.”

Your standards are unrealistic

“On the flip side…sometimes your standards can be too high and hence why no one can meet them,” The Dating Directory founder says. “It’s important to have a guideline of what you want in a partner, but it’s also equally important to know the difference between compromise and settling. Let’s face it, no one is perfect and a great relationship is something that is built over time, not something that just magically happens after one date.”

You come on too hard and fast

Pull on the reigns a bit, Renee says. “When you are dating someone new, try to just live in the moment, instead of jumping ahead of yourself before you get a chance to know them,” she adds. “ Keep the conversation light, this isn’t a chance to drill them or demand certain questions be asked. Learn to go with the flow, give them a chance and let time tell if they are going to be the ideal one or not. Relax, have fun and keep your heart guarded and leave a little mystery about yourself.”

Renee Slansky is an Australian TV presenter, writer and professional blogger who specialises in dating and relationship advice. For more of Renee's relationship tips check out her website The Dating Directory.

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