Mel Greig: "A woman with endometriosis is not damaged goods"

Now that I’m back on the dating scene, I have to re-train and explain to potential suitors what it’s like to date someone with endometriosis. It’s really not appropriate banter for a first date, so let’s just get it all out in the open now.

Firstly, let’s refresh your memories on endometriosis. It's endometrial tissue that resides outside the womb. I’d like to put it in simpler terms though - it’s basically big round balls and small dots that cause a s@#t load of pain for women often crippling them with severe pain and it causes infertility problems in some women as well as a hoard of other problems.

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Top 5 things you need to know when dating someone with endo
1. Sometimes whilst we are on the toilet doing number 2’s, it might sound like we are trying to give birth with all the panting. Endometriosis can grow in and around the bowel which causes excruciating pain. In these moments, you just need to let us be. You don’t need to hold our hand and tell us to push.

2. Don’t ever tell us to take a Panadol and get over it. This could result in an instant breakup or an epic rant of words and potential throwing of objects around the house. Note: this reaction will also occur if you poke the bear. Patience is the key.

3. Sexytime can often be quite painful. Missionary is the best option and that’s not us being lazy...it’s a medical fact. BUT if there is a pain free day you can be rest assured that a variety of positions will be possible if the moment arises, we will jump on and ride that horsy home.

4. Endometriosis can cause fertility problems in some sufferers BUT this doesn’t mean that we can’t have children. It might mean IVF, but how that child is made and how it gets here is irrelevant. I’m a stage 4 sufferer and I will need IVF to get pregnant. I’m not ashamed of this.

5. We need to be comfortable. We need loose clothing and wheat bags at every location in the house - and yours, if we aren’t living together yet. Get us comfortable when we are in pain. Chocolate and a wheat bag will get you further than a diamond necklace.

But the most important thing you need to know when dating someone with endometriosis is that we are NOT damaged goods, we are not weak and we are not hard work. The pain we go through is unbearable. Many of us will end up in the Emergency department at the hospital desperate for pain relief. All we need is for you to try and understand what we are going through and to support us through that.

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In June, my husband and I were planning on implanting for our first child through IVF. My window for children due to my endometriosis was and nearly is closed. Six months later, I’m getting a divorce and planning my next steps. On behalf of all the women with fertility problems I’d like to say ‘Please don’t waste our time’ if you want out. Please do the right thing and if you are in it for the long run, don’t be shy with telling us that.

One in 10 women are battling this chronic illness, and there is no cure. We are resilient, we are strong and we look out for each other. Cowards need not apply - this is the job of someone with devotion and commitment.