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It's my divorce day and I'll cry if I want to

Today is my last day as a wife. Today the chapter closes never to be re-opened. Today is a sad day.

A judge is about to hand down his approval for my marriage to be officially over and it breaks my heart. Today feels harder than the past 12 months of soul searching and learning to move forward, because today it’s real.

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When I married my husband I wanted it to be forever, we all do and we now have to readjust to a life without that reality. That love is now gone and even though I couldn’t control our demise I feel as though I’ve failed and that is why today is sad, I wanted it to succeed and any unanswered questions that I’ve had will now remain that way.

Mel split from her husband Steve after 18 months of marriage. Photo: Supplied
Mel split from her husband Steve after 18 months of marriage. Photo: Supplied

Today I’ve shed tears because I’m taking myself to the last moment that felt real, the moment where we looked each other in the eyes and said our vows... that moment of pure happiness and true love. That is how I’ll choose to remember my marriage, that’s where I’ll find my solace.

Too many people have had this day in their life and today we cry our final tears but tomorrow is a new day and the first day of the next chapter, we can’t be bitter and we can’t let this define us. Today is not your fault, it’s just a part of this crazy journey called life.

The couple tied the knot in November 2014. Photo: Supplied
The couple tied the knot in November 2014. Photo: Supplied

I had a friend recently ask me if I felt the past six years had been wasted and the answer is no, because as long as we learn and grow from our experiences it’s all worth it.

I was able to experience love - heartache came with that but I feel I’m wiser and stronger for my marriage and when the next love comes along I’ll be ready.

Mel has penned a heartbreaking open letter to her fellow divorcees. Photo: Supplied
Mel has penned a heartbreaking open letter to her fellow divorcees. Photo: Supplied

Years ago I got a tattoo on my wrist ‘Saja Bridi’ - it’s Latvian (I’m half Latvian thanks to mum) - and it means ‘In this moment’.

Sometimes all we can do is worry about today because you can’t control the future. How many times have you had plans or a vision, and it changes? Often other people have control of your future too, so it’s impossible to stay on the same path and that’s ok.

Mel has signed off her divorce - and she's ready for the next chapter of her life. Photo: Instagram
Mel has signed off her divorce - and she's ready for the next chapter of her life. Photo: Instagram

Today you need to focus on yourself and what you can control… you can control what you choose to do in this moment. Are you going to obsess over their new life and partner or are you going to shake it off and say ‘I’ve got this’? You need to have the confidence to know your self-worth and what you deserve, you aren’t weak or someone’s rejection.

Tomorrow I’ll pack my bags for America and I will smile, not only because I’m going to the Magic Mike Strip Show in Las Vegas but because I can pack my bags and do that without the commitment. There are positives to being a single woman.

Love is scary but it’s a beautiful thing, don’t be afraid of it. But learn to love yourself first before you can truly love someone else.

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