Mel Greig: The hot DILF next door

Think you struggle at the dating game? Well, hold onto your knickers - this is some of my best awkward stuff yet.

I live in an apartment complex which means many lift encounters occur with my neighbours, and I’ve hit the lottery with mine. Everyone is so friendly and lovely so I actually enjoy our 15 seconds of conversation in the lift.

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In fact, some encounters I really, really enjoy. One in particular is the hot separated dad living in the complex. Given my past history of dating a man-child, I convinced myself that I needed a real man, and someone over the age of 40 too as I assumed more maturity and life experience would be a part of the package. A pre-made child as well? PERFECT.

We would run into each other in the lift every few weeks and it was vital to make the 15-second encounter memorable. Yes, I did think about hitting the alarm and trying to create some hot kissy-kissy moment like in the movies but I decided to not be a crazy person.

We always had a quick but fun chat and I found this encouraging. It had gotten to the point where I would get excited to get into the lift in case I ran into hot dad. Not excited enough that I would bother swapping my ugg boots and trackies for make-up and pretending I was heading out to a function, but exciting enough.

Is it possible to tell if someone is keen within 15 seconds? What do you do in this situation? Enjoy the scarce and brief encounters as they happen? Or do you become adventurous and take matters into your own hands?

Feed me a few red wines, and we all know the answer to that question. Now here’s where it gets really awkward. Insert all monkey face emoji’s

I get along well with my immediate neighbours and one night we were having a few wines and talking about people in the building. I mentioned my encounters and little crush on hot dad and asked for their thoughts.

They told me his name, revealed he lived two floors above me, had separated from his wife and as far as they knew, was still single.

I felt encouraged by this information. Maybe I should write him a note and leave it in his letterbox? I drunkenly scrawled a note that looked like it had been written by a 16-year-old girl - it even had kisses on the end. No, that won’t do. Maybe I just knock on his door and see if he wants a drink? BRILLIANT.

I convinced my neighbour to come with me, and again, hadn’t dressed for the occasion. I was wearing trackies and a baggy jumper with a few red wine dribbles on the front, but had Mia my Moodle with me and she’s that cute she’ll win anyone over.

In my complex, you can’t access the levels and instead need to go out front and buzz the apartment number to let you up. Thanks to my neighbour I knew the apartment number so we buzzed… and he answered! He didn’t say much but buzzed us up which was promising, so up we went.

We knock on the door and he answers with a confused look on his face, I promptly announce that we just came up to say hello and have a neighbourly drink. He still doesn’t say much. I look around. I see candles. I see two wine glasses. ‘Are you on a date?’ I ask. ‘Yes. Yes, I am.’ Well then, Imma leave now. #awkies

Some might see it as desperate but I see it as adventurous.

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