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What men want women to know about drunk texts

He's not just Fitzy and Wippa's newsreader or a panellist for The Morning Show, FOX Sports, and the ABC - Matt de Groot is also Be's newest columnist. He'll be taking us on a deep dive into the world of dating... from a guy's perspective.

The other day, I was talking to a mate who was explaining how he’s been shut down by a girl who was annoyed he’d sent her a late night drunk text. It’s not a unique tale.

Drunk texting has a bad name, and it’s high time we reverse our thinking on it.

Matt de Groot explains why we shouldn't think drunk texts are that bad. Source: Supplied
Matt de Groot explains why we shouldn't think drunk texts are that bad. Source: Supplied

Drunk texting is magnificent. Drunk texts are fun to send, and they should be just as flattering to receive.

Of course when we shoot off a late night Hail Mary, there’s little expectation anything will come of it, but our heart is always in the right place when we decide to give it a whirl.

Sadly, many women don’t see it that way, and have written off the drunk text as a cheap bid from a guy to get laid at the end of a boozy night.

This is not (entirely) true. Rather than a booty call, what they really are is the ultimate compliment... Hear me out.

As a guy, when we send a drunk text we are showing you something we aren’t intrinsically comfortable with – affection.

The ol' drunk text didn't work out for Danny Castellano. Source: Hulu/The Mindy Project
The ol' drunk text didn't work out for Danny Castellano. Source: Hulu/The Mindy Project
Paris and Kimmy aren't impressed. Source: Getty
Paris and Kimmy aren't impressed. Source: Getty

A text at 1.30am that says “Hey” may seem cold, I get that.

But what it’s actually saying is “Hi there, I am currently with the boys but have found myself in a most affectionate and fervent state of mind. Of all the people in the world, including these boys, I am thinking of you. And I feel compelled to embrace these feelings, reach out to you and say ‘Hello.’”

Obviously, this would be an impractical message to send. Not least because nobody should never use ‘fervent state of mind’ in a suggestive text. So instead we just go with the shorter “Hey.”

But the point remains. At a time when we are in our most happy-place (at the pub, with the boys) we are actually thinking of you, and we just want you to know that.

How sweet is that?!

U up? Source: Getty
U up? Source: Getty
Would Kim be impressed? Source: Getty
Would Kim be impressed? Source: Getty

What is also lost on many women is that by sending this text we run the risk of breaking one of the primary rules in the bro code - ‘never ditch the boys for a girl’. But if the message was to be well received,
we would absolutely break that rule. For you.

It’s not traditionally romantic, or impressive, but as it stands many guys just aren’t comfortable expressing their true affections until they’ve tipped a couple in. But that doesn’t mean the feelings are any less legitimate.

Things are changing, and I truly believe the modern man is growing increasingly comfortable being affectionate without a liquid enhancer - we just aren’t fully there yet.

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If it helps, this discomfort doesn’t just apply to girls, we struggle with it across the board. It’s very hard to say to a mate “I really care about you and thank you for being such a good friend.” But give us a responsible amount of alcohol and we will dissect, in remarkable detail, why each of our friends is a genuine legend.

It’s because guys are passionate people - we just aren’t great at articulating it all the time.

So trust me when I say a “Hey” at 1am means so much more than a low-percentage bid to see you; it’s a recognition you’ve broken down our stereotypically-masculine emotional wall, and surely you’d agree that is something pretty special.

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