How long should you wait to say 'I love you'?

He's Fitzy and Wippa's newsreader and a TV panellist, and Matt de Groot is also Be's dating 'expert'. Let him take you on a deep dive into the world of relationships... from a guy's perspective.

I told my girlfriend ‘I love you’ on our first date. Apparently, that was too soon.

This was only made clear to me the other day when one of her colleagues was on a morning TV show discussing ‘what is the right amount of time to wait before you say the words.’ Mine was not used as a good example.

See, a survey had been done and found 22% of people would wait three months to say it, 14% would wait six months, while 3% are the real eager-beavers and would say ‘I love you’ after just one week.

Turns out there wasn’t even a category for ‘One date in’. Not even the creators of the study which looked at all feasible periods of time someone would wait to say ‘I love you’ considered my choice as an option worth listing.

As such, my actions were highlighted as a ‘Stage Five Clinger… cut and run.’

Not thrilled at being used as a national what-not-to-do, I contacted said girlfriend to ask if she was as put off by it as this TV chap would have Australia believe, and I was assured that she actually found it ‘very sweet’.

I was not convinced.

There is obviously no rule book for how long you should wait to say the magic words, but it tends to be on the guy to drop it first. That’s a lot of pressure, and something that women in 2017 should feel more than empowered to help take the reins on.

At the moment, if we wait too long we’re in trouble for being a bastard. Go off too soon and we’re too eager. Say it drunk, and it’s only valid if we remember saying it the next day. Say it during sex and it doesn’t count. Say it before sex and it only counts if we say it again after. So. Many. Rules.

Perhaps if women could get together and develop an agreed checklist we need to complete before we can say it, that’d help.
Been on more than 3 dates. Check
Met parents once. Check.
And they approve. Double check.
Bought one unsolicited bunch of flowers. Check.
Forgot to text when out when last out with the boys. Uncheck.

That’s the kind of clarity we need, because there’s nothing worse than plucking up the courage to say it only to be hit with “I really like you, too.” That’s crushing - even more so because you have to awkwardly act like it isn’t. So we’d take any help given to us.

Now trust me, I know that as guys we aren’t always helping ourselves. I know plenty that hold out saying it for as long as possible; they seem to fear that once they do it’s effectively locking the cuffs on their ball and chain.
I know guys who say it just because they know their partner wants them to, and others who don’t for the very same reason.

It’s messy, yet all paths are kind of fair game as it is such an ill-defined area in life.

I am willing to accept that my saying it on the first date was extreme, although I’ll add that we’d been friends for years. To me, the words were exciting and I couldn’t wait to lay the reality of heart on the line to her.
(Apparently, my years of less than consistent behaviour towards other possible partners undermined it somewhat).

But ultimately, I think the only rule should be ‘when you know – you know, with a dose of situational awareness’, because waiting any longer to say it only wastes time in getting to say it again.

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