Matt de Groot: Buck's parties are better than hen nights

Buck's days are better than Hen's days. It’s a simple fact that when it comes to the customary pre-wedding gathering of the guys and gals, men just do it better.

It comes down to one simple reason: Women over-complicate plans to the point of tears. Constantly.

That's not to say the men do it perfectly all the time, but we certainly do it better.

The game plan is simple:

• Event during the day – races, paintball, etc.

• Dinner in the early evening.

• Into the Best-Man's chosen venue for the later PM.

Done.

For girls, there are just so many more steps. Why?!

I think the wheels start to fall off at the first purchase of the ‘penis-straw’ – i.e. plastic male genitalia that under any Freudian viewing would be deemed too small to impress anyone.

The addition of these straws would be less weird if Nanna wasn’t generally involved in proceedings as well.

It can be awkward enough on the guy’s side if the father of the bride is still hanging about when the events head to their later evening phase. But too often Nanna is brought into the mix, and quite frankly that is one generation too far. Don't bring Nanna.

Then there’s the suite of events planned for the day. A minibus with pink streamers. Life model drawing classes. Pin the penis on the stripper (presumably not a real one). Suggestive word-play games. Cheeky presents being unwrapped. Sashes for everyone, but then a different one for the bride. A tiara. Pink shots. It's all very complex.

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And obviously with all these things, someone must organise it. Enter the WhatsApp group.

6-15 people that know each other from not at all to lifelong besties, who are misinterpreting everything through the filter of text message. Things seem to rapidly become passive aggressive, then straight-up aggressive during the search for exactly what the bride wants. That by the time it comes around to the actual thing – all the fun as been pulled from the concept.

Crazy stuff.

On the men’s side, the organiser of the Buck’s day is someone to be declared a hero, and not to be trifled with.

Now I accept things aren’t perfect in man-land. There has been a growing trend among guys to get away for the weekend rather than just do a day. That seems too much to me.

It's a guarantee all those who arrive the night before the event will go too hard and be in all sorts the next day.

The guys who then arrive on time are then forced to rally these wounded soldiers, or be annoyed they did most of the damage before it was supposed to start.

But in the 20 or so Buck’s days I've been on, I've never seen breakdowns and tears. Because it's hard for things to go wrong when there are only three primary factors.

So my word of advice to all the soon-to-be Maids of Honour, keep it simple. Leave the penis straws. Forget Nanna. Strop drawing naked men. And the tears will stop.

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