You know how you hear stories about people being scammed for money by love interests online? And you think to yourself, “How did they fall for that?” Well, I’m about to tell you how because I think it’s happened to me.
It can feel embarrassing and vulnerable to share your story because you think it’s a reflection of you and you feel foolish. You aren’t. You cared and you wanted to believe that the situation was genuine, the reflection lies on the person doing the scamming.
I’ll tell you the story and you can make your own judgement, I honestly don’t know what I believe because I do want to see the best in people and believe that someone isn’t that cruel.
I told you a couple of weeks ago that I went on a first date and the guy ended up needing a place to stay, so after a few wines I kindly/stupidly said he was welcome to stay with me for a few days whilst he found a place. Now when we stop and think about it with a clear mind, we’ve literally just met and I seem to be the best option to house him? Why doesn’t he have anyone else in his life he can ask? You need to think why.
So, he moved his stuff in and we had a great few days… well apart from back-to- back unfortunate s**t happening in his life. Then, the third day in, I get a phone call from him in tears saying his bank account had been hacked and he had no access to money because his account was now locked. He asked to borrow money, and given all of his possessions were in my house and he wasn’t going anywhere, I said yes and I loaned him the money.
I’m sure at this point you are thinking WHY DID YOU DO THAT?????? Simple. I’m not an asshole. He was crying and he was desperate, and I chose to see the best in someone, and to not judge the situation he was apparently in.
Now if he’d told me he was a Nigerian Prince and he was going to not only return the money but also give me $1 million dollars, I’m pretty sure I would have been more of an asshole and denied him the loan… unless I’d had a few wines then Imma be like “Yeahhh sure beb, no worries, I totally can’t wait to move into your Nigerian castle”.
The following day after being loaned the money he didn’t come home. He was staying at someone else’s house apparently, who was going to loan him the money to give back to me.
Five days passed and he still hadn’t been back to my place or returned the money. At this point I’m starting to think the worst, and to be honest, I felt physically sick. I was disappointed that someone who had opened up about their past and mental health issues was now potentially using that to poke my soft spots and use me.
Fast forward to today - it’s been two weeks, his stuff is still here and I’m still owed the money. I tried all kinds of tactics to get the money back, and the result was him dropping me off social media and telling me to throw his stuff out. Like any good wannabe detective, I then took that opportunity to go through all of his stuff. There was nothing of value, just clothes and living essentials.
At this point I feel sorry for him. I can now see the signs of someone with addiction issues, and I think he has more problems in his life than he was letting on.
I don't hate him and I’m not going to waste my energy chasing the money. I know what it’s like to hit rock bottom, to be judged, and to feel you have nothing. All I wish for him is that he gets help and focuses on getting himself better, because life is too precious to betray someone’s kindness. It means that you don’t even have enough care for yourself, let alone anyone else. This won’t change the way I help others either, because like I said at the start, this is a reflection of him not me, and I can’t let his behaviour change who I am.