When the SSM debate hits close to home

He's not just Fitzy and Wippa's newsreader or a panellist for The Morning Show, FOX Sports, and the ABC - Matt de Groot is also Be's newest columnist. He'll be taking us on a deep dive into the world of dating... from a guy's perspective.

This past week my beautiful sister, Emma, became engaged to her equally beautiful Canadian girlfriend, Ash.

Until then I - like many - had been watching this same-sex marriage ‘debate’ being waged by two sides who appeared hell-bent on out-embarrassing themselves publicly, and shaking my head at nearly everyone and everything.

As such I’ve had no intention of adding my thoughts to a conversation that already has too many voices but now it’s far more personal.

If you’re not aware, same-sex marriage is legal in Canada.

Ash proposed at a winery near Toronto, which is where she is from and they now live.

I’m not sure who’s supposed to propose to who in a same-sex marriage, but Em’s always expected it’d be Ash who’d ask, and after 4 years together and 3-and-a-half years of Emma wanting it, it finally happened…

It was sensational. (Even with Em wearing ugg-boots at the time)

My sister is the most passionate Aussie I have ever met.

She’s represented this country on the international sporting stage, cheered-on those who’ve done the same, and was driven by a desire to be someone other Australians could be proud of.

As with many who have done the same, I gather it amplifies their passion for where they’re from.

She grew-up here, learnt how to walk and talk here, how to swim here, she learned what it means to love here, and what it means to discriminate here…

And yet, in the face of her most momentous commitment, the same Australia she has passionately called ‘home’ will not recognise her love as valid.

If she came home for Christmas a married women, the same Australia she calls ‘home’ would act as if she’d done something wrong.

My sister is a good person (other than wearing ugg boots in public), and a wonderful sister.

I’ll concede she’s been done for speeding, often, and I think maybe once for doing an illegal U-turn but she’s never done anything to justify someone looking her in the eye and saying ‘You can have this, but you can’t have this.’

She randomly calls our Nan to say hi, and did her national duty by voting in the early seasons of Australian Idol and Big Brother…

But if she wanted to bring her wife to see her young niece and nephews, Australia says she’d have to explain to them why her love is inferior to their mum and dad’s.

That is cruel, and it is sad.

My sister has spent her life battling the same insecurities many people do - around appearance, validation, mental strength and self-worth - and no amount of telling her how ridiculous those concerns were
would stop her thinking them anyway.

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Finally in Ash she’s found a person who makes her believe in herself, and trust that she deserves the love she feels, yet if the Australia she calls ‘home’ still judges that as a sin, what chance does she have?

I’ve not heard a rational or well-articulated reason for not allowing it, and I certainly don’t see anyone willing to look directly at my sister and explain themselves; just loud noises from people humiliating all of us.

This debate IS embarrassing. If you disagree with same-sex marriage, don’t marry someone of the same sex. It’s that simple.

Otherwise, shut up and let’s move on.

I hate that the Australia I also call ‘home’ makes my sister feel like she’s doing something wrong.

Because she’s not.

Congrats, Em and Ash!

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