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The truth about 'man-moisturising'
He's not just Fitzy and Wippa's newsreader or a panellist for The Morning Show, FOX Sports, and the ABC - Matt de Groot is also Be's newest columnist. He'll be taking us on a deep dive into the world of dating... from a guy's perspective.
Men are an evolving breed, no doubt about that, and there is no better manifestation of that evolution than man-moisturising.
God I’m passionate about it.
If there is one thing I will leave my son when I leave this earth it’s the value of man-moisturising. And how to tie a tie.
I wasn’t always so passionate about this; I - like many men out there - found the concept rather pointless.
"My skin is fiiine," I’d say when broached on the subject. "It’s a waste of time and money. It’s a sham that girls have been tricked into."
Well, to the fellas out there, let me tell you, a sham it is NOT. My face has never felt fresher, cleaner, or more alert – and it’s the best money I’ve ever spent.
My moisturising journey started when I went to a lunch for Clinique. I’ll be honest, I only went for the food, with no interest in the face-creams on show. During the course of the lunch I was called up to be a demonstration dummy, and at that moment my life changed.
I’ve not been through the pearly gates of heaven, nor seen the bright light at the end of the tunnel, but I presume it’s the same sensation as the first time you hit your face with the raft of face-freshening creams and scrubs.
Heaven.
My big issue had always been that it all looked so complicated; every girl’s cabinet seemed overloaded with creams for this and exfoliates for that, and I just placed it all in the too-hard basket.
Lads – turns out, it’s not that hard.
I’ll talk you through it.
I start in the shower, smacking a bit of charcoal cream onto this weird vibrating Clinique brush thing and run it over my face for thirty seconds. (Sixty seconds if I want to be thorough - but that can get a bit boring).
Yeah, charcoal, ey. Apparently it’s not just good for ... literally nothing. I cannot think of a single other application for charcoal. But now I know it can go on your face.
Stage two. Once you’re out of the shower and toweled- down, I apply a basic face moisturiser. A quick application all over the face is all that’s needed here.
Next; I have stubble, which divides a kissing crowd. My girlfriend doesn’t love it, but other girls fizz on their guy having a full hipster-beard. Either way, stage three involves a quick application of a beard softening cream. I have no idea how it works, but the tube says it softens it and that’s good enough for me.
The final stage is my favourite. How’s this – it’s an eye cream that firms up the skin under your eyes. Crazy, right. I get up at 4am every day. I’ve looked tired for 5 years straight. Now that I use this I look like a reasonably normal person. I couldn’t love it more.
And honestly – that is it. That’s all it takes to go from Neanderthal-level man, to a man at the cutting edge of evolution.
I’ll be honest, there were a few missteps in my enthusiasm; I would exfoliate my face in the shower every day and before using the vibrating brush, but I was told I was literally rubbing the skin off my head.
But otherwise, it’s even easier than this article makes out. And you’ll never go back once you start.
So ladies, for Christmas, if your fella doesn’t moisturise, do him a favour: buy him the gear, give him this article, and introduce him to the first day of the rest of his life.
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