Woman weds best friend in a sexless, open marriage

When New York socialites Quentin Esme Brown and Peter Cary Peterson got hitched in Las Vegas over the weekend in front of a small group of friends - including Donald Trump's daughter Tiffany, who acted as the flower girl - they knew that people would make some assumptions.

Either they were madly in love or drunk, right?

In reality, the best friends said they were neither. They’re planning to make theirs a sexless, open marriage, they explained, and this actually sounds like a pretty wise idea to relationship experts.

Newlyweds Esme and Peter are best friends with no sexual interest in each other. Photo: Instagram/quentinesmebrown
Newlyweds Esme and Peter are best friends with no sexual interest in each other. Photo: Instagram/quentinesmebrown

“He has always been my soulmate in every sense of the word and we felt mutually that Vegas was the place to finalize our commitment to partnership,” Brown explained on Instagram.

“Peter and I are not romantically involved - in fact we are still dating others and will continue to seek love in all forms - we are just each other’s hearts and wish to begin our journey towards evolution, because the more we face reality, the more we can see that there is no right or wrong.”

Susan Pease Gadoua, a licensed therapist and co-author of The New “I Do” has yet to meet anyone else with this kind of marriage, but she says it fits in with the way she sees many people deciding to change the rules to suit their relationship needs.

“We don’t need to get married for any of the reasons we used to,” Gadoua tells Yahoo Lifestyle. “Once you’ve got everything else in place, it is like the cherry on top.”

In her writing and her practice, Gadoua suggests that there are several different types of marriage that can work for people. A “parenting marriage,” for instance, can be between two people who aren’t romantically involved but who want to start a family together, or it can be the next step in a marriage that was once romantic but isn’t anymore.

It makes sense to marry someone you trust completely, right? Photo: Instagram/quentinesmebrown
It makes sense to marry someone you trust completely, right? Photo: Instagram/quentinesmebrown

“Basically, rather than being an emotion-based marriage, it’s a purpose-driven marriage, which is kind of a throwback to how we used to marry before the industrial revolution,” Gadoua explains.

But Brown and Peterson don’t seem to have married for children. So why get married at all?

Brown took to Instagram to explain how the pair wanted to "finalise their commitment to partnership", and also challenge the idea of marriage.

Peter and I – as well as many of you – have seen the pain and destruction of failed marriage," she wrote. "Something that happens frequently and often times due to a sexual component – whether extramarital affairs or losing interest.

“We are reaching… for progression and evolution. We are reaching for new normal.”

Source: Giphy
Source: Giphy

For Maryland-based psychologist Samantha Rodman, this kind of marriage is also about the idea of creating a family with someone you trust wholeheartedly, without the complications of romance.

“A lot of these sorts of marriages are in response to society getting increasingly isolated, and people want to create a kinship model," Rodman tells Yahoo Lifestyle. "You either have to be married or you have to be blood relatives; otherwise, you can walk away from each other.”

This kind of union may in fact last longer than a marriage based solely on intense romantic attraction, Gadoua surmises. The other advantage is that the friends can seek out those romances outside of this relationship. In this way, their setup resembles the kind of polyamorous arrangement that some couples have found to be a better alternative to divorce.

“Where the complications are going to come in is when people outside their relationship look at it like, ‘I don’t want to get involved in that,’” Gadoua says. “It’s going to make it a little bit more complicated for them to find partners who understand.”

Esme says the pair are happy to date other people - but be married to each other. Photo: Instagram/quentinesmebrown
Esme says the pair are happy to date other people - but be married to each other. Photo: Instagram/quentinesmebrown

Rodman also cautions that this won’t work if one partner isn’t being entirely honest about what he or she wants in this relationship.

“If one person was secretly hoping that this would turn into something romantic or sexual, then that would be quite the disappointment,” she says.

But if we’re to take Brown and Peterson at their word, they’re pretty happy with their decision so far.

“We have one life,” Brown wrote. “Free yourself!”

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