Brazen Squirrel Steals Only the Choicest Holiday Gifts

Michele Boudreaux of Maplewood, New Jersey, and husband set up a camera to figure out who was taking all of the most expensive chocolates in their holiday “treat table” for neighborhood delivery people, only to discover the culprit was a squirrel.

Boudreaux laid out the mystery and shocking conclusion in her blog post:

“On Monday, I put out this year’s treat table and—NO JOKE—within a few hours, ALL the Ghirardelli chocolate squares were gone. I couldn’t believe it. Why would someone do such a thing? [sic]

“My husband, being an anti-surveillance nerd who is aware of all the myriad ways HUMANS are tracked constantly, decides to set up a small camera. Not that we’d do anything about it, should we find the thief. We aren’t like that. The chocolates are free, after all. It was more about KNOWING who would do such a thing. Who can eat that much Ghirardelli?

“So, the camera goes up yesterday and I head out with my husband to take the dog for a walk. It’s midday, right around 1 PM. The sky is overcast and we’re enjoying the weirdly warm weather. We walk for a while then return to the house.

“That’s when we spot the FATTEST squirrel. I mean, this squirrel is so obese—a jolly ol’ chap—he must be prepping for a decade of winters. Even my rat terrier dog took one look and said, ‘Nope.’

“So the fat squirrel is standing on our step stool, furiously digging through our wooden tray. He’s digging and digging and digging and then he TAKES OFF toward our backyard carrying whatever he possibly can.

“’You don’t think… I mean, no way, right?’ I say to Toby.

“Sure enough, every piece of chocolate is gone.

“Toby tries chasing the fat bastard through our yard to see where he’s taking all our goodies but the thief makes a successful getaway.

“At this point, I am still not convinced that a squirrel ran off with THAT many squares of Ghirardelli. I mean, that’s insane. What is he doing with them? Building the most amazing nest, a rodent palace consisting of fine chocolate?

“This morning, I head out to take the kids to the bus stop and I spot an unopened square of Ghirardelli on our driveway. When I return, I decide to comb the perimeter of our yard, because NO WAY.

“Sure enough, I find three other unopened squares of Ghirardelli.

“This squirrel went from being the biggest jerk ever to becoming the greatest fuzzy freak I’ve ever not quite met.

“We now have our chocolate in a jar that requires opposable thumbs.” Credit: Michele Boudreaux via Storyful