I don't understand why pregnant women call themselves 'fat.'
Why do you do that?
I saw a good friend of mine during the week. She's seven months pregnant and couldn't stop apologising for how big she'd gotten.
I know there's little benefit in a guy commenting on anything to do with pregnancy, but I genuinely don't understand the self-consciousness here.
Is it a reflex comment? Politeness? Or a genuinely held concern? Because from our point of view, anything that happens weight-wise is all part of the miracle process.
I mean this when I say our perception of a woman's beauty does not alter from week one to month nine; we are simply not wired that way.
"Look at me," my friend would say "I'm huge." As if becoming a baby factory shouldn't bring any tangible change to her figure.
I've never heard any guy comment on it to mates, joke about it privately, or suggest something should be done about it. It's only women I hear referencing it - and frequently.
Now, I'm certain blowing-up like a puffer fish sucks, but the way we see it, it's pretty hard to have a baby without that happening - so don't worry about it.
In fact, when it comes to giving birth and all that surrounds it from a guy's point of view, whatever it is you need to do, you do.
If being pregnant makes you want to eat Cherry Ripe on toast, with a side of turmeric and yoghurt, you do it. If that's ALL you want to eat for nine months, you do that too.
We don't look at a pregnant women and confuse it for someone who has been at a Sizzler buffet for a month; we also don't look at new-mums and think, 'Why don't they immediately look like they did pre-baby?'
To be totally honest, the only thought that swirls through our mind is, 'Thank Christ it's not us.'
You're in the midst, or have just completed nine months, of a most unfathomable discomfort and we not only see that, we fear it. So it's odd to us when women feel the need to defend themselves as if their body needs to be justified or apologised for.
Even though we were there during the first phase of the process (sometimes impressively, sometimes not) from that point-on we are helpless assistants, sitting in awe of what's going on inside you.
Stand-up with your big-ass baby body, be proud of your changes and revel in the ability to eat whatever you want whenever you want; I can tell you right now that's how we'd be if it was the other way around.
You're not fat - you're pregnant.
(Now, when it comes to wildly unpredictable and emotional mood-swings we may offer a touch more feedback, but we do that at our peril.)
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