I didn’t want to get my grumpy pants on, but they are on and they are tight with no room for movement right now - and it’s all do to with my friends.
I’m 35 and still dealing with stupid friendship rules that should have stayed in the school yard but it’s time to stamp them out.
Have you ever had a friend say to you “I’d prefer if you weren’t friends with this person and I don’t want you to invite them to that event either?” I heard that a lot in high school and I did the same because that’s how immature girls are #sahguilty. We don’t understand the true brilliance of girl power and unconditional friendships when we are young.
But to hear that numerous times in the past few years from a few different people and as recently as last week, Imma need to lay out the rules as ADULTS. Because at the end of the day it’s completely wrong to tell someone they can’t be friends with someone that you have introduced them to, or someone who floats in the same circles ESPECIALLY if you turn around and have small talk with them or invite them to an event yourself.
Let me explain.
A friend of mine recently said to me “I know I introduced you to so and so, and I know you get along, but I don’t want her invited to things” My response was, “OK, well you were my friend first I’ll honour your request.” Nek minute she has invited said person to her birthday party and is now friends again with her, and I’m left looking like an asshole for not including her in my things. FML.
A few years ago, I had another friend who played the same game with me and said, “I’m threatened that this person will take my job one day so I’d rather you just have my back and not get close to her.” Again I obliged, and that targeted person was all levels of awesome and I missed the opportunity to get to know her myself. Funnily enough I’m not close to that particular friend anymore.
You can’t ban people from being friends with people you might have an issue with, but what you can do is be LOYAL to your friend. Get the facts, understand the situation and then make your own decision on where you stand and decide if it’s someone YOU want to be friends with and how badly they have affected your friend’s life.
- They make up lies about your friend to try and ruin their reputation. Bye Felicia.
- They go on a double date with your ex and his new partner. Bye Felicia.
- They share hideous photos of your friend on social media. Bye Felicia.
- They talk down to your friend or critique them negatively at social events. Bye Felicia.
- Your friend is simply threatened by their awesomeness.
- They are hotter than your friend.
- You aren’t as close as you used to be.
- They like your friends more than you.
Can you see the difference? You can’t make your friends choose friendships based on the unacceptable reasons because that is the most childish crap I’ve heard, and we are freaking adults and based on the acceptable reasons, well, that’s up to you and how loyal and concerned you are for your friend.
Still, it’s YOUR decision as to who you want to be friends with. Now Imma take off my grumpy pants and FaceTime my besties to have a grown-up gossip session.
Got a story tip? Send it to email@example.com