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Mel Greig: I've discovered the modern-day chastity belt

Ladies, I have discovered the modern-day chastity belt.

I think a large volume of us have been in a situation where we’ve gone out for drinks and intentionally not shaved either our legs or lady parts as a way of convincing ourselves we won’t do an oopsie boo and sleep with a guy on the first date.

Nek minute, the champagne gave us a confidence boost, we give zero feks that we look like a Yeti and we are so into him, so why not?

Met someone new and don't want to rush into things? Try this. Photo: Instagram/melgreigradio
Met someone new and don't want to rush into things? Try this. Photo: Instagram/melgreigradio

I now understand why the chastity belt was invented and ladies I may have stumbled upon the modern-day version - SMELLY SHOES.

Let me get to why in a sec, but over the past month I’ve been on a few dates with a guy that I’m ridiculously keen on. For the first time in a long time, it’s someone I would like to date the s**t out of. He has given me that instant buzz that I’ve been hoping for so it’s vital I play this right.

The first date had to be alcohol-free and I needed something solid to prevent me from having all the Rhonda feels and getting caught up in the ‘Kiss me Ketut’ moment, so I needed a plan that wouldn’t fail.

What could possibly stop me from taking my clothes off? Smelly shoes was the answer.

Source: Giphy
Source: Giphy

I hear a few Negative Nancys saying “Just respect yourself and don’t put out on the first date”.

It’s so not about that, and as a 36-year-old who is six months in-between sexy time I’m totally happy with just ripping his clothes off and doing it on the first date.

That’s my prerogative and there’s nothing wrong with that BUT I see a bit more with this guy, so before my breasts are in his face, I’d like to see where the conversation and vibe goes. So… I wore my smelly shoes.

We all know what happens when you wear shoes without socks. Photo: Instagram/melgreigradio
We all know what happens when you wear shoes without socks. Photo: Instagram/melgreigradio

My favourite pair of shoes are these cute white tennis shoes, they are so on point and go with so many outfits. I literally wear them all the time without socks, and to be brutally honest, they smell from the wearage.

When I’m wearing them, the smell is trapped but when I take them off, it’s not sexy at all. It’s obvious, you can’t hide it and a smell lingers.

These - and my clothes - are guaranteed to stay on. Photo: Instagram/melgreigradio
These - and my clothes - are guaranteed to stay on. Photo: Instagram/melgreigradio

So, ask yourself: if you are wanting to get sexy with someone knowing that if you were to take off all of your clothes and shoes a smell would spread across the room and linger, would you? Even if you’re drunk?

I wouldn’t and I haven’t. They are my chastity belt.

Source: Giphy
Source: Giphy

Can you imagine? If they smelt your skanky shoes they’d wonder if you had bad hygiene? And it would be distracting.

We have been on three dates and I’ve worn them EVERY TIME AND IT’S WORKED. I’m telling you, smelly shoes are the chastity belt. #wearyoursmellyshoes

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