Change my pants? 10 things not to ask a flight attendant

By and large, flight attendants are cheerful, dedicated professionals who often go the extra mile to make sure you have a safe and comfortable flight. But every now and then, a passenger will make a request so brazen, it instantly sends a flight attendant from “How can I help you, sir?” to “Oh, HELL no!”

That is apparently what happened last week on a Kunming Airlines flight in China. According to the South China Morning Post, a passenger reportedly ordered a female flight attendant to help him take off his pants after he’d spilled a drink on himself. The flight attendant, of course, refused and the passenger allegedly responded by tossing “a cup of juice at her, splashing other passengers in the process and threw a handful of rubbish at another senior flight attendant’s face.” The passenger was arrested after the flight landed and he spent five days in jail.

That’s a weird case, even for flight attendants who’ve seen everything. “I’ve been flying for 20 years and I’ve never heard of anything like that,” flight attendant Michelle Lazzaro tells Yahoo Travel. “Help him change his pants? That’s absurd. I would go out of my way to help you if I was the one who accidentally spilled something on a passenger - short of helping you change your pants, of course!”

And it’s not just the strange requests that baffle flight attendants; it’s the way these strange requests are made - often in the entitled, "I’ll-throw-my-drink-at-you-if-you-don’t comply” way. “Usually when someone has an accident, I like to help them, especially if they are nice,” says flight attendant Angela Crandall. “If they are not kind, I let them marinate in their own filth for a while.”

Of course, it also helps not to be a perv about it. “Having been slapped across my backside and thighs many times, just for another sugar or a can of Coke, I can tell you that this will not get you served any quicker; in fact the exact opposite,” says former flight attendant Emma Franieczek, author of Living the Dream.

Still, no matter how nicely and/or chastely you inquire, there are some things you just shouldn’t ask for. Yahoo Travel reached out to some of our favourite flight attendants to find out the crazy requests they’ve fielded.

1. Can you help me with my bra?

Surprisingly, more than one flight attendant has had to deal with this request. “Once I had a woman sitting in business class who needed help with her bra,” says flight attendant Heather Poole, flight attendant author of Cruising Attitude: Tales of Crashpads, Crew Drama, and Crazy Passengers at 35,000 Feet. Poole says she agreed to help because the passenger was elderly. “Right before she asked me to help her clasp it, she yelled at me for talking too loudly to the passenger across the aisle,” Poole remembers. “Just when you think you’ve seen it all, you’re in the business class lavatory helping a woman put on her bra.”

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Flight attendant Sarah Steegar has a similar story. “I’ve been asked to help a lady take off her bra,” she says. “And a different lady asked me to help her find her bra. She took it off during the flight and left it in the bathroom by accident. When she couldn’t find it she said someone stole it."

As a rule, it’s a good idea not to ask flight attendants to help you with your clothing - especially clothing that covers one of your "special places.” Says former flight attendant Tami Gayikian: “A flight attendant should never be asked to do anything that would require intimate contact. It could be a set up for a lawsuit later.” That or five days in a Chinese jail, as that one fellow found out.

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2. Can you clean the spill in my crotch?

While the flight attendants we talked to have never been asked to help a man out of his pants, they have had to contend with some uncomfortable spills. “When I was a new flight attendant, I accidentally spilled a little sauce from a first class entré on a man’s crotch,” Heather Poole remembers. “I apologised, ran to the galley to grab a bunch of napkins and a can of club soda, and I handed it to him. He didn’t move. He just leaned back, put his hands behind his head and ordered me to clean it. I didn’t know what to do. So I ran back to the galley. My [male] coworker took one look at my face and could tell I was upset. When I told him what had happened, he grabbed the napkins and told the guy he’d clean it. All of a sudden the passenger had no problem handling the situation himself.”

But there are some times when a flight attendant will help you with your spill - and with your pants. Flight attendant Emily Witkop remembers one passenger whose husband accidentally knocked her hot tea into her lap. “She was wearing denim jeans and the water was really hot,” says Witkop. “The denim had absorbed it and was causing it to blister her skin. At the suggestion of the medical consultant I helped her remove her jeans and got her covered up with blankets until we landed and could get her medical attention.”

3. Can you help me with my adult diaper?

Helping with a bra or a pair of pants might be preferable to this request. “A woman asked me to help her change her Depends,” says Sydney Pearl, author of Diary of a Pissed-Off Flight Attendant. Did she comply? “Hell no!” she says. “I’m not a nurse, and I’m a germaphobe.”

4. Can you hand me my “feminine hygiene products”?

This sounds like a scene from “Coming to America.” “I once had a woman ask me to open her bag in the overhead compartment and get out her ‘feminine products’ for her!” says ex-flight attendant Megan Stanley. “I later found out she was some sort of royalty from a small African nation so apparently she was used to that level of service!”

5. Can you help me squeeze into that tiny little airplane bathroom?

Sarah Steegar remembers an incident that happened to a friend and fellow flight attendant. “She once had to take the lavatory door off its hinges and hold up blankets for a person who was too overweight to fit in the door,” she says. “The weird thing is that lady had family with her who could have held the blankets but didn’t.” It all goes to show you: Never travel with someone who wouldn’t be willing to hold up a privacy blanket for you while you do your business.

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6. Can you entertain me?

We all enjoy the video clips of talented flight attendants who perform during flights. That’s all well and good, but that doesn’t mean you should board planes and start asking for requests like you’re at some Las Vegas musical review. “Don’t ask for singing or jokes,“ says Pearl. "Use your airline personal entertainment devices for your entertainment.” This is an airline, after all, not America’s Got Talent.

WATCH: Funky flight attendant

7. Can I have some baby food?

Yes, flight attendants do have access to drinks, snacks, cups and napkins. But you’d be surprised at what other supplies people ask for. Says Kara Mulder of the blog The Flight Attendant Life, “People ask for baby food, milk and tampons.” (Again with the tampons!)

And clothing definitely is out. "I once had a passenger ask me for a new T-Shirt because he spilled soda on his,” says Lazzaro. “I’m not sure where he thought I was going to get it from. It’s not like I can step outside and go get one.”

8. Can you hold this?

Flight attendants often dread hearing the request, “Will you hold this?” It could be anything; a guy once asked Poole to hold a pair of pants while he re-arranged things in his carry-on. “Do you know how awkward it is to stand in the middle of the aisle holding a man’s pants with all eyes on you?” she asks.

Every now and then, flight attendants are also asked to hold babies, but they’re split on the issue: Kara Mulder is cool with it (“It’s not obnoxious,” she says); ex-flight attendant Keith McAndrew is not (“I’ve been asked to hold a woman’s child while she went to the restroom. NO!).

Flight attendant Tyler has another item on his "no hold” on his list: “A passenger once asked me to hold her small service dog while she used the bathroom,” he says. “Don’t do that.” But what if the dog is really cute?

9. Can you hoist my luggage up there?

Along with bra assistance, this was the most-hated request flight attendants cited. “We always love when we’re asked to help lift bags into the overheads because they’ve packed them too heavy to lift themselves,” says Stanley, sarcastically.

“We ASSIST,” stresses Pearl. “We only lift bags if the passenger is handicapped. And sometimes that’s questionable because they have the heaviest damn bags!”

"Flight attendants are not required to lift bags - and actually if they get hurt lifting bags, it’s not covered under most airlines workers comp,” says
McAndrew. “THEY got it from the car, through security and want us to lift it, because it’s too heavy? NO!”

10. Can you close this window shade I’m sitting right next to?

“One thing I got asked a lot, which always baffled me, was to close the window [shade] - by the people sitting in the window seat!” says former flight attendant Hannah. “They literally wanted me to lean over a row of three people, including themselves, and shut it."

A lot of these strange requests stem from the same phenomenon: people looking at flight attendants as their personal servants. “People have to keep in mind that when they board an airplane, the flight attendants are there for the passengers safety,” says Michelle Lazzaro. It’s something we all would do well to remember before we hit the “call” button for our next wild request. “Just use common sense,” she says. “It’s a 737 not a 7-11.”

This article originally appeared on Yahoo Travel.