By Deirdre Fidge
Holy Moses, what did we just watch?! After last night’s Gaslighting 101 seminar, it’s fair to say some people needed a good kick up the bum. So why does it feel so unsatisfying?
BUT FIRST. Let’s start at the beginning, with a group date.
Apparently Nick loved school swimming carnivals as a child, unlike the rest of us who would scream and hide behind trees to avoid having to flail awkward in large bodies of water filled with our classmates’ urine.
As we’ve seen in previous weeks, Osher has devised a host of incredibly weird ‘games’ for the women to play. Surprisingly, these often involve skin-tight clothing and plenty of squealing.
Thankfully, it appears the producers did in fact receive the several hand-scrawled letters I posted asking for more zorb ball content, because…
Emily wins, giving her a single date with Nick and future career prospects of hamster.
She gets a rose and we get an ad break and then boy howdy, time for another single date! Much to Cat’s disapproval, the lucky gal is Brooke.
Instead of hot air balloons or speedboats, today’s date involves far less of an OH&S risk: describing each other’s appearance to an artist who can’t see them.
But while those two play Pictionary, the mean girls are concocting a scheme to chat with Nick, Cat even planning to shed some tears. Dun dun dun.
Suddenly it’s COCKTAIL PARTY TIME. Hold onto your togas, everyone. The gals are dressed as Greek goddesses for literally no reason and Brittany is giving us serious Year 10 Bacardi breezer house party vibes.
We can presume the exploitative producer who kept shouting ‘babe. Babe. Babe’ at Tenille told Nick about the lousy behaviour from Romy, Cat and Alicia, because he grabs Tenille for a chat.
He beelines for Cat the Mean Queen (even though Romy was far more atrocious yesterday but look, he’s not always around and he’s wearing a toga – give the guy a break) and role-plays healthy adult communication with direct questions.
He tells her it’s time to leave and the entire nation cheers and applauds.
Welp, time for more farewells – the official rose ceremony. Romy should be shaking in her goddam Grecian sandals.
So will Nick continue this level-headedness when choosing who else gets shipped out? Will he rightfully put Romy in her place given her aggressive verbal assault of Tenille?
Oh, and whoops! Nearly forgot about the actual non-rose-obtainers!
WOWEE ZOWIE. Four farewells, two zorb balls and an awful lot of crocodile tears. Wish I could say I had more of a life to not be quite so keen for next week’s episode but after tonight, I’m all about honesty.
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