Over the weekend, your Instagram feed was undoubtedly flooded with pictures of celebs, models and your annoying friends at Coachella.
It looks like the three greatest days on earth. (Disclaimer: it is). But there are a few things to note before you hit the desert for the world’s greatest music festival.
It will be hot. Ridiculously hot
You're from Australia. You laugh in the face of heat! But nothing will prepare you for this. I’m not talking 30 degrees at Big Day Out, hot. I’m talking 46 degrees, middle-of-the-desert, you-may-as-well-stick-your-head-in-an-oven, hot. Don’t make the mistake of arriving at the festival before 4pm unless you want to spontaneously combust. And for the love of god, please don't wear anything white.
Get ready for serious celeb spotting
Seeing Alexander Skaarsgard leaving the bathroom will become the highlight of your year. You will trip over Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s giraffe-like legs at the bar. You will recite lines from Clueless in your head when you spot Alicia Silverstone. But only if you’re in the VIP section. And unless they actually, you know, like music, the stars rarely appear before 6pm. That’s because they’ve spent the day poolside at a party for the likes of Revolve, Lacoste or some other brand name that’s decided to throw a super-cool Coachella shindig that, as a mere mortal, you’re obviously not invited to.
Airbnb is the way to go
The greatest thing my friends and I ever did was rent a house in Palm Springs complete with a pool, hot tub and air conditioning, because did I mention Coachella is set in the DESERT? Look I get it, you’re cheap and camping seems like it’d be fun. But I've seen happier zombies on The Walking Dead than Coachella campers.
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Pack your walking shoes
So you took my advice and Airbnb’d it. Unfortunately, you still have to get to the festival. And the shuttles to Coachella only run from the big hotels, not your pimping pad in downtown Palm Springs. This means someone has to be DD for the evening. Also, good luck with remembering which car is yours at the end of the evening.
Expect zero phone reception
At the end of the evening, there’s no doubt you’re going to be missing a squad member or two. Maybe they met some boys from a band and decided to go hang out with them instead, or maybe they were just too busy deciding between the salted and sweet pretzel to realise their drunk friends had wandered off. Either way, please designate a meeting point for the end of the night. You will thank me.
While your makeup melts off, the celebs won’t even break a sweat
It’s all because of the VIP area. No, not the one you shelled $600 out for. The other one no-one knows about. It’s where people like Leonardo DiCaprio hang to avoid the pesky fans and drink queues. We envision gold couches and personal butlers, but we’ll never know. #FOMO
'Flower crowns are EVERYWHERE
Every year, some idiotic trend sweeps the festival. This year, as proclaimed by Taylor Swift, it’s all about chokers. Because there’s nothing everyone wants to wear more in 46 degree heat. But in year’s past, the humble flower crown made its mark on heads everywhere. You will feel like you’re in a bad 70s time warp. Especially when the flowers start melting in the heat.
It will be the greatest weekend of your life
Despite all of the above, Coachella will still single-handedly be the best weekend of your life, and you’ll find yourself writing articles trying to downplay how great it is. You’ll fool no-one but yourself.