The most horrific wedding speeches of all time

Aletha Wilkinson

Reddit users recently took to the site to share the most horrific things they've heard said at weddings – and the results were eye-popping.

From offensive best-man speeches to mid-altar disasters, this round-up has it all.

'Just so you know, I'm smiling now but there is icy rage in my heart right now.' Source: Getty

Mother of the groom called the wife 'Elizabeth' in her speech. Elizabeth wasn't her name. Elizabeth was the name of the groom's best friend who happened to be an attractive woman. more attractive than the wife. Elizabeth is who the mother wanted her son to marry. Elizabeth was there, too.

Best man speech: "Back in high school when Bill first told me he liked Jackie I said Jackie!? Ewww! But that's how I knew Bill really liked her for who she was as a person ."

..Jackie was not very attractive

A decidedly nonscientific preacher decided to preach- for 20 minutes- about how God gave us all smells and you know you've found your spousal partner when their smell matches yours.

I think he was trying make pheromones all Christ-y, but it really came across as "love thy BO."

The only thing the best man said was “Well, we’re all here today for one reason, a good woman died. May she Rest In Peace.” About the grooms late (first) wife, who passed away over 10 years ago.

The best man getting drunk and asking his current wife for a divorce into the microphone because “she just wont f***ing leave me unless i make a big deal of it”.

The priest marrying them had know the groom since the groom was a baby and went on about the groom's life and journey with God in a very touching way. And then it came time to talk about the bride and he just said "and (bride's name) is great!" before moving on.

Best man waddles up to podium, visibly too drunk. He opens up his folder with his speech in it. Opens his mouth to say his first words and projectile vomits directly over the podium. He says into the mic, "Whoops that's not what I meant to say." Groomsmen drag him off and away.

Mate, can you not. Source: Getty

The one where the groom's speakers barely mentioned the bride except to make fun of her hobbies and looks. They hyped the groom up as some kind of hyper masculine Adonis (spoiler: he wasn't), implied he was settling with the bride, and then made the rest of the speech about the groom's mom-- complete with a chant of her name to close out the speech. The bride was red faced with anger after the speech, the groom looked embarrassed, and mother of the groom looked thrilled.

I wasn't there to see it, but a buddy of mine told me about a bad one he witnessed his cousin give. Basically, best man got all flustered/froze up, didn't know what to say, etc., and he ended up congratulating my friend (who was not the groom, mind you) on being accepted into the University of Michigan.

Go Blue?

Was at a friends wedding, one of my friends stands up to make a speech and it was pretty good until the last sentence when he said "who knows this could've been my wedding if I didn't mess things up with her". Everyone was silent.

'Babe, if you can forgive Darren for everything he just said, our marriage will be fine.' Source: Getty

My brother-in-law's dad gave a toast where he went on an on about how his son had flunked out of college bc he couldnt get his shit together and was pretty much a loser until he met my sister.

Like, its great that you're happy my sister came into his life, but don't tell a room full of people that you think your son is a loser. Not cool, man.

My dad made a speech at my brother’s wedding saying that if my brother didn’t get to her first he would have married her. It was so awkward and so inappropriate.

"Well this wedding was nice and all, but I'm sure all the married couples here know it's not a real marriage until you start having children!"

The bride was infertile.

Best man at my cousin Paul's wedding. He gave a speech about how the bride, Julia, used to love horse-riding, but after she started dating Paul she was no longer interested in horse riding. The best man said, "Women just need something big and masculine between their legs." Cue a load of shocked speechless grandparents.


Grooms vows: “I love that you let me stick my finger up your butt while you’re sleeping...”

The whole audience went still, and there was a very uncomfortable silence followed by a few unsure chuckles. The look she gave him was terrifying. And the pastor performing the ceremony didn’t seem to know how to react.

Overall it was extremely awkward.

I didn't witness it myself but my father told me a story once of when he was at a wedding. The groom decided half way through the ceremony that he didn't want to get married. He was then attacked by the father and brother of the bride. After a brawl (and a few bloody noses) he changed his mind and they got married.

My father, at my wedding: "Marriage is like a bouquet of flowers. Over times, it withers and you have to change it."

  1. He wanted to say that you need to take care of the bouquet obviously, but he mis-remembered the quote from another wedding
  2. My wife and I are separating, so I guess he was right.


I worked at weddings. One of them had a bride who was about 4 foot 6, and a groom who had to duck going through door ways, that would put him at 6 foot 8 or so. So the Maid of honor starts on the speech she is doing, and it goes south... She says things line "I know you are wondering how these two work in the bedroom... lots and lots of lube!". And then goes further. I wish I had recorded it.

Older people in the audience just go silent, then red faced. It was an apparently very conservative group. Maid of honor was quietly removed after the speech...

I bartend wedding receptions a lot.

Went to one where EVERY FREAKING MEMBER of the wedding party gave a toast. And not just quick toasts. They were drawn out, some reading off pages and pages and pages...

The theme of all of these toasts?

"When I first met groom/bride, I DID NOT like him/her. But then we were forced to hang out with each other via class/club/sport, and we got to know each other, and now I'm in this wedding party."

It was long and awkward and terrible that they had such a hard time making friends.

I wonder if the groom/bride liked each other when they first met.

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