Here's what you need to know before you get back with an ex

Rihanna and Drake, Kendall Jenner and Harry Styles, Wilmer Valderrama and Minka Kelly – why is everyone in Hollywood suddenly getting back together with an ex? While it seems unlikely Taylor and Calvin will ever breathe the same air again, there are some couples that just can’t seem to quit each other.

According to psychologist and eHarmony relationship expert Jacqui Manning, the reason people go back to an ex is two-fold.

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“People can’t turn their feelings on and off like a lightbulb,” she explains. “Realistically, even if a relationship has ended badly, that love will be there for a while.

“A lot of couples experience what I call a “halo effect” in the months following their split, in which they forget all the annoying things their partner has done and paint them in a rose-coloured light. This is a dangerous period of time, because people become susceptible to getting back together with people who are wrong for them."

Manning explains that some relationships aren’t meant to be simply because the person we’re with has taught us the lesson we needed at the time.

“Sometimes we draw people into our world to teach us things about ourselves,” explains Manning. “Once that’s done, there’s not much basis for a relationship. Maybe it’s time to attract someone more aligned with your values. And when I say values, I don’t just mean morals. I mean what you value in your relationships. And what you value at 15 is vastly different to what you value as a 45-year-old.”

So what about couples like Rihanna and Drake, who first split in 2014, and are just now getting back together?

According to Manning, getting back with an ex from yesteryear will only work out if both parties have taken the time to heal from their last split.

“Essentially, you have to break up completely with the relationship you once had, and start an entirely new one with each other, which can be daunting.

“To go back blindly is a mistake. You need to have an honest conversation and ask what you can do differently. Maybe you need to write down an agreement or do some research / consult a professional. The hard part is making it work in a positive way for both parties.”

As for how long to wait before dating someone else? Manning says she’d be shaking her finger at Taylor Swift!

“It’s no wonder she and Tom (Hiddleston) didn’t work out – it was too close to her last relationship with Calvin Harris,” says Manning. “You need a breather between relationships because you only get insights once you’re out of them.

“Our hearts feel pain. If you broke your ankle as a runner, it doesn’t mean you’d never go running again. You need to give your heart time to feel the feelings you’re distracting yourself from.

“It’s only when you take a step back and get some space that you’re able to see what you liked and didn’t like about the person and the relationship, as well as your part in its demise – because let’s face it, most of the time, it takes two to tango!

Manning also says the reason Taylor Swift has such short yet intense relationships is probably because she keeps rebounding.

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“You’ll find that if you’re always ending up with a bad boy, it’s because you haven’t taken the time to think about yourself and your own needs. I wouldn’t say you have to be single for 12 months or anything like that - it’s a case by case basis, but a few months is a rule of thumb, just to heal.”

Interestingly, Taylor’s longest relationship was actually with Calvin, and they got together after she was single for a good year. Perhaps that was the reason they lasted so long?!

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