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Matt De Groot: Why guys are useless at helping you get ready
He's not just Fitzy and Wippa's newsreader or a panellist for The Morning Show, FOX Sports, and ABC – Matt de Groot is also Be's newest columnist. He'll be taking us on a deep dive into the world of dating and relationships... from a guy's perspective.
I had an argument with my fiancée this past week about ‘dress codes.’
See, guys don’t spend a great deal of time worrying about what dress code is applied to an event because all our outfits fall into about four categories - yet I’m in constant trouble for not providing explicit clarity around what is acceptable for events we attend.
“Dress nice” is as specific as I do (and can) get. When she asked about the code this week, I replied: “All the things you own are great, wear whatever you want.” I’m learning how frustratingly unhelpful this is, especially when I add, “You’ll look gorgeous, regardless.”
For a guy when an invitation rolls in, the only questions we ask ourselves are, “Is it a shorts-and-thongs event? Jeans? Chinos? Suit and tie? Suit and no tie? Or Tux?”
No more information is sought, no more information is needed.
(It’s often followed by “Shit, I probably should have gotten that dry-cleaned.”)
Every combination of shirt, jacket, pant and footwear we own can be fashioned to match all codes, and we know we’ll look great.
As an extension, we aren’t raised with the stylistic-nous to identify the difference between summer, summer-cocktail, festival, casual, casual-dressy or creative-black-tie in our partner’s wardrobe.
While preparing for this article, I did do the appropriate research, and I can tell you there is no definitive list of dress-codes - but I can confidently state there’s anywhere from five to 15 different alternatives.
There are the usual ‘smart-casual’ and ‘black-tie’ options, but then there are sub-categories I’ve never even seen, like ‘Warm weather black tie.’ Apparently a woman is to wear a long gown, white gloves and minimal jewelry. For the gentlemen, it’s a white dinner jacket, in a worsted wool, gabardine, linen or cotton fabric material. Paired with a white dress shirt, bow-tie, cummerbund, and black leather shoes.
…Obviously.
I now intend to make my wedding a ‘Warm weather black tie’ event and eject any man who isn’t wearing a worsted wool jacket and cummerbund.
The problem extends to when she makes a decision and emerges to seek feedback on whether it’s event-appropriate. The truth is we don’t really know, we just don’t want to say the wrong thing. (This statement is also applicable if you ask which of two options of earrings or shoes we prefer with your outfit).
I know the aforementioned “You look great” doesn’t suffice, while the extended “I’m not sure if you’ll be overdressed, but isn’t it better to be overdressed than underdressed?” is also not favourable.
Guys can rarely be more helpful than telling you what the event is, what’s listed and what we are wearing. “The invite says smart-casual, it’s an engagement party, and I’m wearing chinos, a button shirt, and a jacket.” From that point on, we are passengers.
Truth is, in 2018 any ensemble feels largely acceptable, and as long as you’re dressed-up, you’re not going to be refused entry to an event.
For a black-tie event as long as a guy is wearing a suit-and-tie, any colour combo seems to pass. Similarly, for the ladies I’ve seen cocktail dresses often rocked at formal events because at the end of the day as long as we all look great who cares? (Girls do, apparently).
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