When Valentine’s Day goes wrong

Matt de Groot

He's not just Fitzy and Wippa's newsreader or a panellist for The Morning Show, FOX Sports, and ABC – Matt de Groot is also Be's newest columnist. He'll be taking us on a deep dive into the world of dating and relationships... from a guy's perspective.

Valentine's Day has just passed us by; a day for love, lovers, and those wanting to be in love.

It's a beautiful day.

Matt de Groot discusses when Valentine's Day goes wrong. Source: Warner Bros

However, for a lot of single people (mostly guys) V-Day probably produced the opposite outcome.

It was be a day when you build the courage to announce your feelings, only to find that declaration met with the screaming sound of silence.

And that sucks.

There is no bleaker emotional hole than after a failed Valentine's Day gesture, and my goodness - I've had plenty of those.

It took me a long time to figure out why, but I eventually got there.

Matt de Groot has reflected on his own V-Day fails. Source: Instagram

I went too big.

You see, the most awkward place you can find yourself on February 14 is if you've only just met or hooked-up with someone… All of a sudden this day of overt affection lands at your doorstep and you have to decide what the appropriate level of 'Valentining' is, based on where your relationship is at.

It was always my belief that if you're into it, you're into it, so why not go all out? But apparently not everyone thinks that way.

I'd always thought it was safer to get someone a Valentine's Day gift and show that you're keen, rather than ignore the day to avoid putting too much pressure on the two of you (her).

You can learn from your V-Day mistakes. Source: Warner Bros

I thought, who wouldn't want a bunch of flowers to land at their work out of nowhere? And surely it's even more fun if it was from someone totally unexpected?

I thought, who wouldn't want a thoughtful handwritten V-Day card expressing my truest feelings (even if we'd only just met)?

I thought, if girls like flowers and chocolates and nice things, then it stands to reason they would LOVE a guy they barely knew getting them all of those things together.

It seems not.

The constant feedback seems to be that is too much too early.

Don't go too hard, too soon. Source: Getty

I remember at Uni hooking up with a girl on Feb 13, the bloody night before Valentine's Day. I liked her and didn't know what to do, so I bought her flowers and a card saying as such, and telling her I'd like to catch up soon. I never heard from her again. (I did, however, hear from my mates about it. Still.)

In high school, I liked a different girl and we'd just started 'dating.' She liked Maltesers, so on V-Day I got her a giant box of those - as well as almost every other box of chocolates I could find at Woolies.

She broke up with me two days later.

And not all that many years ago, I met a girl out and we'd gotten on pretty well. Nothing had happened, but we'd talked about going on a date, so I was confident there was mutual interest.

Three days later, Feb 14 rolled around and so I arranged 24 long-stem roses to arrive at her home.

What a gesture, I thought. What a guy.

Matt de Groot has learned less is more. Source: Getty

I suppose I should mention we hadn't discussed where she lived, and I'd found that out doing a bit of private research.

We never went on that date. In fact, I was offered a second delivery option from the shop because they weren't even accepted. That one stung.

So, the take away is simple: For big-gesture guys like me, pump the brakes on your V-Day plans unless you are certain it will be well received; less is more.

While for the girls in the room, if you were on the receiving end of an unwanted V-Day offering, I hope you were kind enough to act like you hadn't immediately closed the book on our poor little souls.

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