Why I’m not scared of being naked in public anymore

I’m standing in a small room wrapped in a towel. I know I have to go in to a further room to shower, but I’m finding it hard to will myself to go in there because… well, when I get in there I will have to shower naked.. with other people.

It’s nothing weird - it's actually the usual practice at a Japanese onsen, or bathhouse, but it’s my first time (obviously).

I’m a loser. I know. I haven’t been naked in the company of anyone but my husband for, ooh, 18 years.

I don't frolic on the beach in a skimpy bikini or strip off in change rooms with ease. I’m not a public person. This is hard.

I am lucky - this onsen is attached to my hotel, The Celestine Kyoto, Gion, and is only for guests - so as I stand here, plucking up courage, I see only three other women wander next door.

Two of them are over 70. Let’s face it, if it’s sagging on me its going to be sagging on them.

There’s another woman. She’s probably 30, and she looks like a model. I’m so alone right now.

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I should be grateful though - this is a women only area and my husband has been to the men’s one, and coached me through what to do so I don’t flounder any more than I need to.

I’ve decided to put a bandaid over a small tattoo on my back. Nearly all onsens don't allow tattoos because in Japan, tattoos are linked to the yakuza (Japanese gangs).

I’ve removed my jewellery and put it in a locker, along with the special yukata (a cotton kimono) and slippers I have been told to wear into the area.

Now all I have to do is go in. I take a deep breath.

I open the door, wrapped securely in a bath towel for now, I walk into the shower room and assess the situation.

The rules are simple; in this room of the bathhouse you sit on a small stool and using a shower head, a pan and lots of soap, you wash yourself thoroughly before entering the hot bath itself.

So here I am, sitting - naked - on a plastic stool, with two 70 year olds and Miss World, washing my bits.

Towels go on a hook. It's a handheld shower head so a one-armed wash. All sparkly, and I’m ready for the bath itself. This is where it gets more tricky.

Towels mustn’t be taken to the water (it’s considered rude to have them touch the baths because they’re dirty), instead I reach for a facecloth to “protect my modesty” but then realise how dumb that is - my modesty requires far more flannel.

I stride purposefully towards the steaming bath instead, and by stride purposefully I mean run.

I get in and under before I’m spotted by anyone ('anyone' being the other three women - two of whom are already in the water, and one who is focusing on her own bits for the time being).

And then something magical happens.

It’s so relaxing... I allow the steaming hot water to envelop me. I do what I’ve read is customary and place the facecloth on my head, then lie back against a wall and relax.

Twice I look up as the other women make noise moving about - once for the old ladies to jiggle out of the bath without an ounce of embarrassment or modesty, and once for Miss World, who - despite appearances - is even more shy than me, and covers up with two facecloths until she’s submerged, glancing about nervously as she tries to hide.

Fifteen or so minutes later, I’m ready to head out. I raise myself from the hot water and walk up the steps out of the bath, reaching for my towel from its hook, I dry myself off just enough to head into the changeroom.

BUT I DON’T COVER UP.

I’m essentially a nudist now, guys.

I feel less aware of my naked body - even after these 15 minutes - than I have in years.

My visit has made me realise that no one is really looking at me, that everyone has a body with bits that wobble or bits that we don't like, and yet, we’re all just wasting valuable time worrying about showing it.

I slather on body lotion, apply some face cream, and head back to my room, knowing that next time I visit one of these heavenly places, I’ll be totally unafraid.

Onsens are usually public bathhouses and can be found across Japan. Some require you to bring your own soap and towels, so it’s worth checking. No tattoos are allowed.
The Hotel Celestine Kyoto Gion is a totally lovely luxury hotel the writer paid to stay in, which has a private bath for guests only.

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