The Bachelor recap episode 6: The girls battle it out for Richie

Tonight we were reminded very graphically that Alex and Richie sucked each other’s faces off last night. And what a welcome to The Bachelor that was.

Keira questions whether or not she’s here because Richie has intentions to get to know or if she’s there to “look good”. I’d say neither honestly, you're a producers pick doll.

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Osher comes in with TWO date cards. Osher also lies to the remaining 11 girls and says that Richie is designing the dates with the girls specifically in mind. Osher, we’re not silly, he’s got a production team.

Kiki gets the first single date and “if it’s skydiving I’ll vomit” she says. Which is a strange reaction. Keira isn’t happy, which isn’t shocking and says Richie should be prioritizing his time with her.

“Let the games begin!” the group date cards reads. It’s official. The Bachelor has turned into The Hunger Games and the girls will be released to into an arena to kill each other and the victor gets Richie.

Literally all the girls, except Kiki, are going into the Hunger Games arena. Apparently the group date is also called the “Bachelor Games” and Richie runs into the stadium to light a flame.

The first event is Cupid’s Arrow. Faith gets a bulls eye straight to Richie’s heart. Keira is surprisingly good, but Alex isn’t and Richie goes up to tease her about it while awkwardly laughing. I’m surprised the games didn’t think to shoot at arrow at him just so they wouldn’t hear his ridiculous laughing anymore.

“It made my day seeing those big balls” Faith says as she welcomes us to the second event which is running in a zorb ball. Alex and Faith are first up and Alex wins.

Faith knocks down Keira and says it’s an accident but we all know it isn’t. Megan loves it but then has to verse Keira in the ball. As it turns out Keira isn’t very good and winds up just rolling around.

To work out who wins gold and extra time with Richie, the final event is wrestling. In kangaroo suits! Because isn’t that what all women love? Humiliation on national television? Megan and Keira are up and Megan is rubbish. Keira goes hopping mad because she wins. Or thinks she wins!

In the second semi-final, Nikki and Faith verse each other and just kind of hop around in a circle for a while. Keira isn’t happy because she thought she had already won and now has to put the suit on again to wrestle Faith.

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Richie seems to be loving this girl-on-girl action, despite the fact they’re in inflatable kangaroo suits. Keira loses and Faith gets some extra time with Bachie.

Considering the last time these two went on a date she nearly drowned him in the pool, it’s probably good he’s set up a picnic in the middle of a hockey field. They’ve started talking about children and Richie cracks out a rose and goes in for a pash. Does like a pash, old Richie.

On the morning of Kiki’s single date, she’s forced to stand in the middle of a tarmac. While standing in front of a helicopter Richie asks Kiki what they think they’re doing today. I don’t know Richie, making a ham sandwich? Kiki, showing she’s already smarter than Richie asks if it has something to do with a helicopter and she is correct.

The chopper has no doors. That seems like an OH&S issue that perhaps the producers didn’t consider. With any luck Richie might fall out and we’ll all be saved another episode with his awkward laughing.

Back at the mansion Keira is calling Kiki a bogan. Pot, kettle anyone?

Feeling the frustration of the entire nation, Kiki does us all a favour and asks Richie questions about himself and why he’s on this path to find love. Thank you girlfriend. Also she returns to the mansion with a rose. So go Kiki.

At the cocktail party Alex makes it clear that she really doesn’t understand how The Bachelor works and that she’s been jealous and “out of place” because he’s kissed other girls throughout the week.

When Richie arrives he takes Keira away. Why I’m not sure but the other girls are questioning why as well so I’m not the only one. Alex looks like she might cry as Keira embraces Richie.

“I feel like I’m going to vomit in my own mouth” says Georgia as she watches them. You and me both. Because now Richie and Keira are reenacting their dance and it’s so cringe. Mate, pick a time and a place.

Alex is now sobbing. And she is an ugly crier. I dare there to be an episode where she DOESN’T cry. She wanted Richie to go and talk to her. It’s “scary” for her. Alex really hasn’t worked out how this show works.

Finally the rose ceremony! With Kiki and Faith with roses, that means there are nine girls and eight roses (claps for Osher and his maths skills) and with that Richie walks in to give a girl the old heave ho.

And that girl is Sasha. I don’t think she’s that devo, at least she escapes having to listen to Richie’s laugh.

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