Yahoo Lifestyle 
Mel Greig: Enough with the domestic violence victim blaming
Over the past few months I have been shadowing the process of two friends currently going through situations surrounding domestic violence. One has been suffering through the process for nine years and another has finally found the strength to report it.
Isn’t that sad? Two friends? Well, how about you multiply that by 10 and add me into the mix too, and that’s the total number in my lifetime.
In fact, the latest statistics according to White Ribbon say “One in three women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence perpetrated by someone known to them”.
And there’s still a lot of understanding to be done, with a Sydney magistrate coming under fire for his comments that this kind of behaviour is common place in Australian households.
“I dare say that sort of pushing and pulling goes on in every second household in NSW every second day, most of which does not see the light of day in court,” he said of the case, which saw a woman assaulted by her partner over a card game.
In my opinion and experience this prevalence is because we don’t have the resources or empathy to deal with the extreme level of abuse across Australia.
Let me give you some realistic statistics. The friend dealing with this abuse for nine years had three assault charges against him, three AVO’s and over 56 breaches logged, and 19 police interventions. Yet this piece of scum hasn’t spent one day behind bars for the charges or breaches and he went on to re-offend.
She would call the police when he rocked up at her door, the police would drive him to the train station five minutes away and leave him there. He would then just walk straight back to her house.
This is her story though, not everyone’s experiences with the police are the same. But as she said to me “Your confidence has been completely depleted and you feel worthless and like no one will understand”, so imagine that you have used all your strength to finally report him and start a new life but there’s no escape?”
How are we getting this so wrong? I have shadowed my two friends at two different police stations and the reaction and treatment have been complete opposites.
One policewoman seemed to victim blame by saying, “If this was me I’d never let that happen, I would do something about it” whilst police at other station gave an incredible amount of support with follow up phone calls and details of support groups.
Is that where we are getting it wrong? First on scene with no empathy or education on domestic violence? Or the justice system for not locking them up?
If I was to walk down the street now and punch someone in the face for looking at me the wrong way, I’d be locked up within the hour for assault, but because I don’t know the person and it’s not behind closed doors the case is different?
Can we not see that the most gutless offenders use that defence and hide behind closed doors? That according to the Sydney Magistrate it’s to be expected?
Because women deserve to be dragged around the house by their hair and kicked in the back or stomach? Well I guess if a bit of shoving and pulling is happening in every second household we just need to deal with it as normal?
Domestic violence doesn’t discriminate. Many outsiders look in and judge the victims or stereotype them and call them weak - shame on you. Until you’ve been in someone else’s shoes show some goddamn empathy and understanding.
To my friends, I stand with you and I’m so proud that you haven’t given up. To people going through the same thing, it is tough and it’s a long journey but please say yes to all help and don’t ever feel ashamed. You are strong and you are worthy.
If you or someone you know is suffering from sexual or domestic abuse, don't suffer in silence, call 1800 RESPECT any time of day or night.
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