It's time to up your social media etiquette game

In an age where our phones have become extensions of our bodies, it’s hard to imagine some minutes without checking into social media, let alone a whole event.

Funerals are one of those occasions where social media shouldn’t be allowed but that doesn't seem to be stopping the growing phenomenon of funeral selfies.

Don't you hate it when people answer their phones at the dinner table? Photo: Getty Images
Don't you hate it when people answer their phones at the dinner table? Photo: Getty Images
This tasteless face swap of a man and a corpse when viral. Photo: Twitter
This tasteless face swap of a man and a corpse when viral. Photo: Twitter

Recently, a man uploaded a face swap with a corpse to Twitter, causing outrage among users.

In no time, the man’s tasteless photos had been retweeted almost 4000 times.

Why he thought anyone would find them amusing was beyond us, so we decided to contact an etiquette expert about when and where is it ok to reach for our devices. Obviously at funerals, that’s just taking things a bit too far.

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Be had a delightful chat with one of Australia’s most well-renowned etiquette experts, Anna Musson, the founder of The Good Manners Company, who shared with us her top tips for the best social media practice.

Whether we’re at a concert, wedding, funeral or a birth, Musson believes technology inhibits us from being in the moment and undermines ours and others' experiences.

Phones “really deteriorate the quality of the moment for many people,” she says, “and are not appropriate if you’re at an event.”

You can take photos of the bride as she's walking up the aisle. Photo: Getty Images
You can take photos of the bride as she's walking up the aisle. Photo: Getty Images

If you’ve been invited to a wedding, it might not be the smartest idea to snap the bride in her wedding dress before she’s even shown it to her hubby-to-be.

Rather, Musson says: “The right time to do that is when the bride is walking up the aisle. People are expecting you to do that and they are very understanding, that’s the time. But for the rest of the wedding ceremony, your phone should be out of sight and on silent.”

Hearing a phone ring during a silent moment at an event is a major faux pas but Musson says the worst thing you can do is “turn around and look or give them a death stare.” Instead, keep focused on whoever is speaking or whatever is happening at the front of the room.

If it is your phone however, whip it out, quickly put it on silent and apologise quietly to those around you.

When it comes to photos at funerals, Musson says “It’s completely inappropriate and absolutely disrespectful," regardless of how you justify it.

The only time taking a picture at a funeral would ever be ok, would be at the wake for family photos to commemorate everyone coming together, says Musson. But that doesn’t include uploading it on social media. As well, if someone has died, going onto social media and saying ‘RIP a close friend’ is also inappropriate Musson adds.



“There use to be something called respect for the dead… we have to ask ourselves, is this appropriate? How would the person feel? And how would the family feel about this going on social media or being shared around?”

“Good manners are about putting other people in front of ourselves,” says Musson, “so we have to stop and think about if it's possible someone might be offended by this? If the answer is yes, a) don’t take the picture and b) don’t post it and c) don’t ask.”

What about if your best friend has just got engaged or, better yet, just popped out a bun from the oven? Surely we’re entitled to blurt out our excitement on our news feeds…

“If you’ve been advised that someone is engaged or having a baby, don’t then jump online and be the first person to post it. You’ve always got to think who's news is it? If it's someone else’s news, comment on their news but don’t make it your news,” she says.

Technology has made it difficult for us to be present. Photo: Getty Images
Technology has made it difficult for us to be present. Photo: Getty Images

According to Deloitte's 2015 Mobile Consumer Survey, 52 per cent of smartphone owners check into their social media accounts more than five times a day.

For many of us, even the thought of not being able to touch our phones throughout mealtimes wreaks anxiety, but we should take them as times to unwind from technology.

“Having a meal is suppose to be about connecting with the people you’re dining with,” says Musson.

“There should be no keys, no sunglasses, no wallets, no phones on the table. I think we forget that the greatest compliment we can give another person is our undivided attention.”

So even if you want to know the answer to a question, like ‘how tall is brad pitt?’ It can wait.

Refrain from being on your phone while waiting for your partner at the restaurant table. Photo: Getty Image
Refrain from being on your phone while waiting for your partner at the restaurant table. Photo: Getty Image

Musson recommends leaving your phones at the door in a bowl so as not to be tempted to take them out. “If you need to go to the bathroom, that can be your opportunity to check messages if you’re that desperate.”

Always feeling the need to be entertained, we can’t even bare waiting alone at a restaurant for our friend or partner to join us without glueing our faces to our phones.

“We are losing our ability to wait patiently. Next time you’re waiting for someone at a restaurant, can’t you sit politely and look around the room and smile pleasantly at the waitstaff?” she asks.

So next time you’re invited to a ceremonious event, received wonderful or sad news, or find yourself sitting alone at a cafe, nip your social media addiction in the butt and just be present in the moment - it's a whole lot more real than the world bundled up into our screens.

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