He's not just Fitzy and Wippa's newsreader or a panellist for The Morning Show, FOX Sports, and the ABC - Matt de Groot is also Be's newest columnist. He'll be taking us on a deep dive into the world of dating... from a guy's perspective.
Matty J, we need to have a chat about how you break up with girls, because you’re doing it wrong.
Watching The Bachelor this week I was struck by two moments that made me want to throw the remote through the TV, and they were both just after he’d told the two girls it was a no from him.
It’s a moment that anyone who’s had to break it off with someone has had to deal with; the few seconds after you say it’s over, but before you actually part ways.
What a horrific time that is for everyone.
As a guy - presuming you’ve been man enough to do it in person - it’s brutally awkward. But even if you’re on the phone, you need to end the conversation somehow - and there are simply no words that
massage this situation with poise.
So what is the correct protocol?
Matty J went with what I would consider the most condescending of choices; he crushed their hopes, and then complimented them to make it better.
“It’s over. *Awkward pause* But you are one in a million, you will find that someone special, you are perfect for someone.”
What a load of rubbish that is.
Clearly she’s not one in a million, or at the very least, she’s not the first in that line of a million - and do people really want to be told they are perfect for someone that isn’t you?!
The reality is, it just makes you feel better about hurting the other person.
But on the other hand, I get it, because what is the alternative? Honesty? Imagine if he went with that.
“It’s over. *Awkward pause* I think there are at least 5 women better than you in this house, and even then it probably wouldn’t be you I’d choose because I find you a little bit bland. Anyway, cheerio.”
Or in the real world…
“It’s over. *Awkward Pause* OK well, it’s probably best I head off now, because I’m pretty relieved that’s out of the way and I have a whole host of girls I would now like to text, guilt free. Ciao.”
Natural survival instincts kick-in and you just say what you have to say to end the situation, and the path of least resistance is often a set of compliments.
Even if the compliments are earnestly delivered, who really wants to hear that kind of hollow garbage at a most vulnerable moment?
So, what’s the solution?
In all honesty, texting would be ideal – but if you do that, yet consider yourself a person of any merit, you have to give yourself an upper cut.
The phone call is cleaner and less traumatic for all parties – but it’s unfortunately taken off the table if you’ve been on more than 3 dates or slept together once.
And so all that’s left is the least pleasant of the options: face-to-face emotionally savage honesty.
Taking a lesson from management land when you have to fire someone, the best thing is not to drag it on. Do it quickly, directly and as soon as that Band-Aid’s ripped off, get out of there. Don’t do what Matty did… because really you’re just trying to make yourself feel better.