Yahoo Lifestyle 
Mel Greig: Don't ignore the domestic violence signs
One of the worst feelings you can have rip through you is failure, and different people will experience different types - but for me I feel as though I failed as a friend.
A month ago, I ran into a friend who I adore. She is someone I see every now and again but don’t see enough of because, well, as we all say “We are too busy”. This has been pretty accurate for me over the past couple of months because I’ve been trying to help the sisterhood with bringing down a scam artist and abuser. I was helping the sisterhood who I’d never met, but the real person that needed my help was hidden in the shadows.
You see, even though I ran into my friend only briefly, it was long enough for me to see the signs. She had lost a lot of weight, she wasn’t as confident, her persona wasn’t the same, and she just wasn’t herself - she almost looked unwell.
The conversation went for five minutes and I remember at the time I wanted to ask if she was ok, but we were both in a rush. I did make a mental note to call her in a couple of days to catch up though, but that phone call didn’t happen.
A couple of weeks later I remembered that I should call her and check in, but in the same breath I thought no, if she wasn’t ok she would just call me, she knows I’m here. So, I left it again and continued being buried in my busy life.
This week I received a phone call from that very friend and she cut straight to the chase. “I’ve been living in an abusive relationship,” she said. “I’m out of it now but things are really bad.” My heart tore to shreds and I felt instant pain for one of the most beautiful, intelligent, strong and kind people I’ve ever met… to think she went through the torture that she was describing to me, and that a seemingly normal loving guy could do this to someone so pure, and in such a violent manner.
Their relationship seemed ‘normal’. In fact, for years it was and one of pure happiness, love and support for one another. My heart aches for not only her, but for anyone in a relationship that thought they were safe, protected, loved… and then had the unthinkable happen to them. Having your love and trust betrayed in the worst possible way.
I have been in two domestic abusive relationships, both when I was younger. A boyfriend I had when I was a teenager wanted to have control over me and our relationship, and his way of achieving that was by throwing me up against the wall or throwing things at me.
He ruined my self-esteem and managed to manipulate my emotions. If it wasn’t for him dumping me for my best friend at the time, I would have been in that situation for longer because when they say sorry, it really does “make it ok”. This is how they manipulate you, when they finally say sorry and show you love, you feel like you’ve been a good girl and done the right thing, and you want to keep making them “happy”.
To my beautiful friend, I’m so sorry that I saw the signs and didn’t act. I assumed you would call me, which thankfully, you eventually did. My darling girl, you will get through this. Small steps. Everyday is a new day and I plan to hold your hand every step of the way. To all of my friends I’M HERE FOR YOU.
We all get busy, we all have our own drama but it’s important to let our friends know that if s**t hits the fan we will drop everything for you and please know you are not alone. Don’t ignore the signs, look after your friends.
If you or someone you know is suffering from sexual or domestic abuse, don't suffer in silence, call 1800 RESPECT any time of day or night.
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