Mel Greig: The lazy girl’s guide to online dating

Mel Greig

I’m ashamed to say that I have turned into a lazy dater and if I experienced this behaviour from a guy, I’d probably give him a bit of stick for it.

I’m all levels of busy at the moment, so meeting real life men is a real struggle and if I do meet real life men, they are already taken.

Side note: how is that fair by the way? You get presented with a delicious cake with so many fantastic layers and then you are told you can’t eat the cake, you can only look at the cake. God damn it I want that cake all over my face.

So, given my time restraints and the whole “Every great guy is taken scenario”, I have reverted back to online dating. If I’m unwinding after a big day and feeling sorry for myself and just need a bit of flirty banter.

Is there anything worse than feeling lazy but still being on the lookout for love? Photo: Instagram/melgreigradio

Bumble is still the least creepy of the apps, but I’m not a fan of the 24-hour restraint to make the communication happen, half the guys won’t even see the message unless they’ve gone on for a bit of swipey swipe.

So, I find myself messaging at least 10 guys at the one time, with a hit rate of about two writing back in time before the match disappears. (That or they just aren’t into me . . . mehhh #zerofeks) but that’s the very attitude that got me into trouble.

I took the lazy option when I last messaged 10 guys. I copied and pasted the same message to each of them - the problem was that I didn’t check the message properly, and noticed that on the first one I’d written “Hey Connor” so the next nine guys who got the copied and pasted message also got “Hey Connor”. AWKIES. That is really lazy dating by me, I just didn’t have the desire to write them all a special message.

Source: Giphy

In my defence, I just don’t see them as ‘real’ yet and I can’t muster up the effort to make them each feel special with a different message. PLUS my plan was brilliant if I’d actually checked the messages before sending them.

I have less and less desire in meeting someone online, even if I find myself chatting to a guy on one of my social media accounts, if I’m feeling the conversation is forced or not intriguing I’ll just stop responding. I won’t even say ‘Bye Felicia’ I just stop.

Source: Giphy

Does that make me lazy? I don’t get any enjoyment out of having forced small talk with strangers.

But where does that leave me if I don’t have the time for real life adventures? It leaves me as a cute cat lady. Cat ladies are so making a comeback.

Forget men, fur babies will do just fine for now. Photo: Instagram/melgreigradio

Imma just be here with my moodle and my cat watching Netflix and buying calendars of nude men to fantasise over. As tempting as that sounds, let’s hope this lazy dating phase ends soon.

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